Feeling bitter, ignoring that person, getting angry about unrelated things, and thinking about them negatively are all signs you could still be holding a grudge. Visit INSIDER.com for more stories.
What type of personality holds grudges? People most likely to hold grudges are those with a negative approach to life and hold on to emotions like: envy. jealousy.
When you hold a grudge, you're recalling a past event and the negative emotions associated with it. It subjects your body to stress over a prolonged period, which has negative health effects. Rushing to forgive isn't good either, as it can make you minimize your emotions.
Being hurt by someone, particularly someone you love and trust, can cause anger, sadness and confusion. If you dwell on hurtful events or situations, grudges filled with resentment and hostility can take root.
On average, the longest adults have ever held onto a grudge is five years — but 15 per cent have maintained one for 11 years or more. Around a third admitted their mental health has suffered as a direct result of ongoing feuds - which could partly explain why over a third regret holding grudges.
Long- held grudges can lead to deep-seated resentment, which in turn infuses toxicity into a relationship. “A toxic relationship may include grudges and other maladaptive or emotionally unhealthy dynamics between two people.
It's not an easy place to be. Generally when someone has a grudge against you, anger, blame, contempt, and other forms of hostility and aggression are being projected. Often, grudges are done in silence (passive-aggressive).
Bitterness is rooted in unfair, disappointing, or painful experiences that would make any human feel hurt, angry, or sad. While most people are able to feel those emotions and then leave them behind, those who become bitter hold on, refusing to forgive the offenses (real or imagined) and miring themselves in misery.
Feeling angry can make us feel 'tough', and can be like an armour keeping away more hurt. But not forgiving someone leaves us replaying a painful situation in our mind until it erodes our sense of worth. This actually leave us more vulnerable in the long run. Think of the last time you were furious with someone.
Grudges hurt the immune system
“Living in a chronic state of tension disables your body's repair mechanisms, increasing inflammation and the stress hormone cortisol in the body,” she explains.
Specific signs of passive-aggressive behavior include: Resentment and opposition to the demands of others, especially the demands of people in positions of authority. Resistance to cooperation, procrastination and intentional mistakes in response to others' demands. Cynical, sullen or hostile attitude.
They don't hold grudges.
Researchers at Emory University have shown that holding onto stress contributes to high blood pressure and heart disease. Holding onto a grudge means you're holding onto stress, and emotionally intelligent people know to avoid this at all costs.
Introverts tend to hold grudges the longest, though they may not be obvious about it. Those who believe in a just world — where their own offenses are likely to balance out those directed toward them — are less likely to hold a grudge.
People with paranoid personality disorder see threats all around them. They tend to hold grudges, dwelling to the point of obsession over past slights they've experienced. These tendencies keep them from forming lasting and close relationships as hostility and general distrust consume their emotional lives.
Studies reveal women hold grudges longer than men. It doesn't mean it's consistent for all women, but overall, there is a pattern. I'm not fond of generalities, yet by understanding our differences, it makes us stronger.
Some people are never able to let go of a grudge. These people are emotionally immature and will hold a grudge their whole life. They don't understand why things have to change, and they often take out their anger on others. Grudges can be challenging to overcome because they are based on emotions rather than logic.
Apologize if you're at fault, but with no strings attached.
It may be challenging to ask the grudge holder what's wrong, but asking may clear up a misunderstanding. If you think you've been at fault, ask what's wrong. If an apology is due, give a sincere one.
There are many possible causes of passive aggression, such as fear of conflict, difficulty expressing emotions, low self-esteem and a lack of assertiveness. People who tend to be more introverted may also struggle with expressing their needs or wants directly.
Assertive, not aggressive, confrontation is the best way to frustrate the goals of a passive-aggressive person. You see, passive-aggressive people hate confrontation. It's not their style. When you catch them in the moment and stand up for yourself assertively, you catch them off guard.
Negative Effects of Unforgiveness
The hardened heart feels anger, resentment, bitterness, and hatred toward the offender. Negative emotions come flooding back when you see the person who hurt you, or when you hear the person's name.