According to one study, approximately 15 percent of married couples are sexless: Spouses haven't had sex with each other in the past six months to one year.
But even if there's no perfect definition for a “sexless” marriage, everyone seems to agree that they're common. Newsweek estimates that about 15 to 20 percent of couples are in one, and sexless marriage is the topic of myriad new books—like Yager-Berkowitz's—and plenty of articles and columns.
In general, it's common for sex in long-term relationships to fluctuate in frequency and quality. One study1 found four in five couples dealt with mismatched libidos in the last month. "Sexless relationships happen all the time," marriage therapist and certified sex educator Lexx Brown-James, LMFT, tells mbg.
No one should ever feel obliged to have sex. Avoiding sex will not harm a person's health, and it may even be healthy. Anyone who feels concerned about low sexual desire or the effects of infrequent sex on their relationship can talk about this with a doctor or therapist.
Among the men, 10 percent had never experienced partner sex, with 6 percent saying they'd had intercourse, but not in the past six months. Among the women, 6 percent said they'd never had partner sex, with 7 percent reporting celibacy during the previous six months.
With that in mind, the average age of virginity loss for American men is 16.9 years old, and the average age for American women is 17.2 years old. The percentage of Americans who have never had sex is consistently higher for young women than young men between ages 15-18.
It's typically limited to a specific period of time, such as until marriage. Celibacy is a vow to remain abstinent over an extended period of time. For some, this may mean their entire life.
Among men not living with their parents, it's just 4% involuntarily sexless, and 2% voluntarily so. Looking at sex in the last year instead of virginity, never married young men without their parents are about 17% sexless, versus nearly 30% among those who live with parents.
Making intimacy your priority
A relationship can survive without intimacy, but it will become a real struggle for both partners as time goes on; neither partner will be happy or feel secure in the relationship. Without happiness and security, the basis of a relationship is complicated.
According to one study, approximately 15 percent of married couples are sexless: Spouses haven't had sex with each other in the past six months to one year. I was once in a sexless relationship.
Technically, a sexless relationship is defined as when a couple has sex less than once a month or less than 10 times a year, says Dr. Epstein.
Is Your Marriage in Trouble? Most sex therapists agree that having sex less than 10 times a year is reason enough to label your marriage a sexless one.
Synonyms of 'sexless'
asexual, androgynous, neuter, hermaphrodite.
Self-Esteem Issues
Where physical intimacy is lacking, this can cause self-esteem problems. If your partner shows no interest in you physically, you might feel like they're not attracted to you anymore, and this can cause you to question yourself.
The CDC also reports that virgins make up 12.3 percent of females and 14.3 percent of males ages 20 to 24. That number drops below 5 percent for both male and female virgins ages 25 to 29 and goes as low as 0.3 percent for virgins ages 40 to 44.
The short answer is that yes, a sexless marriage can survive – but it can come at a cost. If one partner desires sex but the other is uninterested, lack of sex can lead to decreased intimacy and connection, feelings of resentment and even infidelity.
8 Causes of a Sexless Relationship
If you and your partner aren't having sex, I encourage you to question where there is a reason, including health issues,unmatched libidos, life transitions, communication issues, other relationship issues, hormone changes, mental health issues, and medication side effects.
Humans were meant to have sex. But just because sex is good for you doesn't mean that abstaining from sex is bad for you. With the exception of obvious conditions like vaginal atrophy that are directly related to sexual abstinence, no studies directly link celibacy to poor overall health.
The truth is, there are plenty of adverse sexless marriage effects on women. Such effects include: Feeling a loss of emotional intimacy/connection/friendship to her partner. Low self-esteem.
2010 107-year-old Clara Meadmore came out to say that she had never been sexually active as she had made a decision during her early teen years to remain a virgin until death.
The average age for losing your virginity in Australia is somewhere between 16-18 years old, and now that Louise is 22, she's starting to really freak out that she's still a virgin. "I feel like I'm getting a bit impatient waiting for the right person," she told The Hook Up.
For example, people who live in Denmark, Sweden, Norway, and Finland are believed to lose their virginity as young as 16 years of age. In Iceland, which is not far from Scandinavian countries, it is believed that children there lose their virginity at about 15 years of age.
For example, talking to a partner excessively about work, being away from home, having little time or energy after working long hours, or work interfering in 'personal time' (like checking work emails in bed) can all contribute to a lack of intimacy in a relationship.
Recap. Research suggests that the average adult in their 20s has sex around 80 times a year, but there is no "ideal" amount of sex. What matters is whether you and your partner are happy with the quantity and quality of sex.
Anxiety, stress, and depression are also common sexless marriage effects on the husband. When a husband is denied sex at home for a long time, his mental health is likely to deteriorate from stress, overthinking, and inability to release the feel-good hormone from sex.