Borderline personality (BPD) is characterized by hostile behavior, negative affect, hypersensitivity to others, anger, worry, and fear of rejection or abandonment. These traits can make life difficult for people with BPD, causing them to react in ways that may be considered socially unacceptable.
Indeed, studies have shown that individuals with borderline personality features are predominantly sensitive to interpersonal rejection and tend to be extremely reactive, displaying impulsive and aggressive behaviors in daily situations in which they feel excluded, abandoned, or rejected (Ayduk et al., 1999, 2008; ...
People with Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) may experience heightened rejection sensitivity (RS), a disposition developing from repeated childhood rejecting experiences.
People with borderline personality disorder have a deep fear of abandonment. They compete for social acceptance, are terrified of rejection and often feel lonely even in the context of an intimate relationship. Therefore, it is more difficult for them to manage the normal ups and downs of a romantic partnership.
No contact is often perceived as abandonment. A person with BPD will likely feel hurt, betrayed, angry, sad, depressed…you name it. Look no further than the very first symptom of Borderline Personality Disorder according to the DSM: Frantic efforts to avoid real or imagined abandonment.
Although BPD personalities initiate a break-up as a way of seeking validation, because of the intense anxiety at play, they'll often express intense regret because of their abandonment wounding, especially if they're not met with the response they desire.
Cyclical Nature of BPD Abandonment
The fear of being abandoned often causes people with BPD to form unhealthy attachments. Sometimes, they may abruptly cut off these relationships, effectively abandoning their partners. Other times, they make frantic attempts to hold onto relationships.
When highly rejection-sensitive individuals encounter cues that they have learned to associate with rejection, their anxious expectations for rejection become activated, triggering both processing biases and intense reactions that strain their capacity for self-regulation.
Those who have a loved one with BPD will know that any time the BPD sufferer feels they are being abandoned or rejected, it triggers extreme reactions. From intense feelings of depression and sadness to deep rage, the person may lash out at you, become abusive, or even self-harm.
They often feel empty inside. When people with this disorder feel that they are about to be abandoned, they typically become fearful and angry. For example, they may become panicky or furious when someone important to them is a few minutes late or cancels an engagement.
Some of the key signs and symptoms of borderline personality disorder are: A deep fear of being abandoned or unloved by those close to you. Difficulty in creating and maintaining a sense of self. You often feel empty, like there is nothing happening inside of you.
Individuals living with BPD tend to experience a great deal of emotional instability. They typically endure frequent intense negative emotions and are unable to manage these strong feelings.
People with borderline personality disorder experience an unstable perception of themselves, which might cause them to feel unlovable. They also experience splitting, a type of all-or-nothing thinking1 which can cause them to see themselves in an extremely negative light.
In response to devaluation, the person with BPD may have an outburst of anger, aggression or to break up. Hence, BPD romantic relationships are often described as intense and unstable.
Family members may be quick to deny or argue the feelings experienced the person with BPD. If these feelings are ignored, the individual may resort to self-destructive ways to express their emotions.
Once upset, borderline people are often unable to think straight or calm themselves in a healthy way. They may say hurtful things or act out in dangerous or inappropriate ways.
People with borderline personality disorder experience rejection sensitivity, which makes relationships very intense and dependent.
If they tell you that having less contact with you than when you were previously in a relationship is causing them pain, then it may be best to go no contact. On occasion, a BP might actually initiate no contact. If that happens, accept that this is what they have deemed this necessary for their healing.
Unfortunately, because people with BPD have an insecure sense of self, fragments in the relationship feel extremely threatening. If their favorite person disappoints them, it can feel devastating. They may react with rage, threats, or complete withdrawal.
Rage in an individual with BPD can occur suddenly and unpredictably. BPD anger triggers can include an intense fear of being alone. Two other BPD anger triggers include a fear of rejection and quickly changing views.
Those who have BPD tend to be very intense, dramatic, and exciting. This means they tend to attract others who are depressed and/or suffering low self-esteem. People who take their power from being a victim, or seek excitement in others because their own life is not where they want it to be.
People with BPD may be sensitive to rejection and abandonment and are prone to splitting, rage, and impulsivity. If a person with BPD feels rejected or abandoned, they may end the relationship. However, this is usually followed by significant anxiety and regret and efforts to get back together.
No. Borderline Personality Disorder and cheating are not connected, though certain symptoms of BPD could drive someone to cheat. That said, if you and your partner are willing to work through the challenges of BPD and go to therapy, then there is no reason your relationship can't succeed.
Loneliness and the need to self-isolate are common in borderline personality disorder. Here's how you can overcome these feelings. If you live with this condition, you might crave close connections with others — but you might also find it challenging to interact with them.