Daughters of narcissistic mothers often become enmeshed with their parent, losing contact with their true self and growing up without boundaries and without the ability to recognise or nurture healthy relationships.
Daughters of Narcissistic Mothers often become narcissists themselves. One of the most damaging things about having a narcissistic mother is that her daughter is at risk of becoming a narcissist herself. This is because she has learned from her mother that the only way to get love and attention is to be perfect.
A mother with narcissistic tendencies is typically overly concerned with her daughter's appearance and achievements and how they reflect back on her, says Lis. As a result, the daughter doesn't learn to be her authentic self.
Effects of Being Raised by Narcissists
Brunell says, “The child typically suffers from low psychological well-being, such as low self-esteem, depression, and anxiety. They tend to try to please others and have poor ability to set boundaries or to say no to people's requests.
A narcissistic mother may feel entitled or self-important, seek admiration from others, believe she is above others, lack empathy, exploit her children, put others down, experience hypersensitivity to criticism, believe she deserves special treatment, and worst of all, maybe naïve to the damage she is causing.
Children who grow up with a narcissistic parent tend to suffer from at least some of the following as children and as adults: anxiety, depression, low self-esteem, self-doubt, self-blame, indecision, people-pleasing tendencies, difficulties with emotional intimacy, and codependent relationships.
“You knew I didn't like it, but you still did it to hurt me.” “You only think about yourself.” “You always look for attention.” “You don't deserve everything that I have done for you.”
Conjectural narcissistic personality disorder (with at least five traits), too was significantly more prevalent among the first-born children in comparison with the second-born children (p<0.05), which was as well significantly more prevalent in male participants of the associated group (p<0.05).
For example, a narcissistic mother is irrationally jealous of her daughter, so she'll try to sabotage her and even harm her in order to be reassured of her own superiority.
It's a phenomenon called the narcissistic abuse cycle. This cycle is broken down into three important phases: idealization, devaluation, and rejection. By understanding these key points, people who are struggling with narcissism or those who are in a relationship with a narcissist can get the help they need.
Narcissistic personality disorder affects more males than females, and it often begins in the teens or early adulthood. Some children may show traits of narcissism, but this is often typical for their age and doesn't mean they'll go on to develop narcissistic personality disorder.
Children who grow up with narcissistic parents often become very manipulative as adults because they learn narcissistic traits from their parents. They may find themselves lying to get what they want or making empty promises for someone else to do something for them, which is a sign of low self-esteem.
The Narcissistic Parent will applaud the Invisible Child for not having needs, and the Invisible Child becomes very attached showing that they don't have needs. They are the ones who silently suffer, trying to make peace, care giving, while everyone else is fighting in a chaotic gong show.
“Narcissistic parents beget kids with a whole host of psychological problems,” Durvasula says. These problems include higher than average rates of depression and anxiety, lack of self-regulation, eating disorders, low self-esteem, an impaired sense of self, substance abuse and perfectionism.
Self-Importance
The word that comes to mind is “grandiose.” The narcissistic parent will exaggerate and lie about themselves. They'll demand your attention while neglecting your needs. Worse, they often view their child's increasing independence and autonomy as a threat to their own interests.
The development of narcissistic traits is in many cases, a consequence of neglect or excessive appraisal. In some cases, this pathological self-structure arises under childhood conditions of inadequate warmth, approval and excessive idealization, where parents do not see or accept the child as they are.
Many narcissistic mothers see their daughters as extensions of themselves. Their daughter's successes reflect well on them. They live their lives through their children and can become extremely controlling. When you're on the receiving end of this, it can feel suffocating and when you get the chance to escape—you do.
The psychological effects of a narcissistic mother on her daughter can be long-lasting. The daughter may struggle with trust issues, abandonment issues, and self-esteem issues. She may also find it difficult to form healthy relationships due to the emotional manipulation she experienced from her mother.
PTSD from Childhood Trauma
If you have grown up with a narcissistic parent, there are many instances in which they may have traumatized you throughout your childhood. This can lead to PTSD or cPTSD in adulthood. PTSD can result from overt abuse and neglect, emotional neglect, and gaslighting.
In a safe space, your therapist can help you heal the damage your narcissistic mother or narcissistic father did. You can form a healthy therapeutic attachment. And you therapist will then help you learn how to form healthy boundaries for beneficial connections going forward.