Talk To Them — Honestly So instead of just hinting at what you want or asking leading questions, be direct. Explain that your feelings have changed and, you know it's not the same set up they agreed upon, but that you'd really like something more.
You can say something straightforward like “Hey, I had a lot of fun the other night and would love to do that again, but I should be clear that I'm thinking more of a friends-with-benefits situation rather than dating.
Birnbaum says you should begin by asking something simple, like, “Did you ever think of us dating?” or saying, “We have so much in common and like the same things that it seems we have more going than a lot of the people I date.” Also, it's helpful to show action through how you feel.
Yes, guys do tend to care about their FWBs.
In fact, most friends who agree to a friends with benefits arrangement end up feeling closer to one another than they did before the physical relationship started. Most FWB couples end up staying friends in the long run, even long after their sexual relationship ends.
The key is to end things before they stop being fun, which can be especially tough to gauge when you're getting, like, orgasms. A good rule of thumb is five weeks—just long enough to really master one another's G-spots but not so long you start to internalize their roommate's work schedule.
Modern stories give the impression that people simply hookup, have sex for awhile, and then just "slide" into a long-term relationship. Research results contrast the modern fairytale, however, showing only 15% of friends-with-benefits lead to a committed long-term relationship.
Exactly how often to talk to a friend with benefits depends on the needs of the parties involved. Some may talk every day, but others might only talk when hooking up. As a general rule, maintain emotional distance from your friend with benefits.
Be honest.
Be open and honest with your FWB partner. You must tell your partner if you “catch feelings,” for example. Being transparent about your expectations and feelings is paramount so that everyone is on the same page. If you have sex with someone else, you should tell your partner about it.
You can broach the subject indirectly or directly. You can ask him, “Are you still interested in hanging out together, or would you rather just be friends?” This gets to the heart of the issue and gives him the opportunity to share what he is feeling.
You can just go for it and say, “Want to come over and hook up?” Or try, “I want to kiss you right now. Come over.” Just saying, “Let's have sex,” is pretty direct and can't be confused as you implying anything else.
In friends with benefits scenarios, you're just friends — friends who hang out and sometimes have sex/be intimate with each other. People who are friends with benefits may be free to date other people. The physical stuff they do is usually “no strings attached”— they're not necessarily committed to each other.
If they get to know you on a deeper level.
If they make an effort to get to know you on a deeper level by asking really personal questions, it's a good sign that they really do want something more than just a hookup. They're trying to get to know you as a person and find some common interests.
"A situationship is that space between a committed relationship and something that is more than a friendship," explains psychotherapist and author Jonathan Alpert. "Unlike a friends with benefits or relationship, there isn't consensus on what it is." Why is this becoming a trend now?
Don't Cuddle
Cuddling encourages intimacy, which is a no-no with your FWB. You want to keep things simple, and spooning can complicate them.
How guys text when they like you can vary, (and dating tips for texting will vary depending who you ask), but texting every day is a sure sign that you are on the same page. If a guy texts you every day, even if you're the one initiating conversation, he is definitely interested.
According to Match.com's Singles in America site, out of the 55% of singles who have had a friends-with-benefits relationship, 45% of them have had it evolved into a full-fledged relationship.
Two or three times a week if you're keeping it casual.
Only texting them a couple of times lets your partner have some space and gives them the chance to reach out first too. You might send a text to let your partner know you're thinking of them or to plan when you're going to see them next.
A proper FWB relationship means you only see each other once a week. Twice a week on occasion if you plan a special getaway. One of the biggest mistakes that partners make in FWB is that they try to see each other as often as they can in a short time period.
If your FWB starts to distance themselves from you, it could be a sign that they're losing interest. If they suddenly start canceling plans or stop texting and talking to you as much as they used to, it's possible that they're trying to slowly phase you out of their life.
Common...but Potentially Risky
However, studies suggest that something around half of college students report having been in one at some point.... though more men report this than women. While this type of relationship may seem appealing to some, there are risks involved.