A child is likely to feel valued if they are treated with respect, and when an adult demonstrates genuine interest in their thoughts, feelings, and experiences. Developing healthy boundaries and being consistent with children serves to nurture their sense of being valued.
Confront Disrespect Early and Often
If your child is rude or disrespectful, don't turn a blind eye. Intervene and say: “We don't talk to each other that way in this family.” Giving consequences when your kids are younger is going to pay off in the long run.
Control. A major reason our youth talk back and show disrespect is not having enough power and control. Even a one-year old can be heard insisting, "ME DO IT!" As kids reach the age of three and older, they need to be able to start making choices for themselves rather than just being told what to do.
Talk about being kind often. Make it a daily habit to ask, "What is something kind you did for someone today?" or, "How did you help make the world better today?" When kids perform acts of kindness, they'll be more likely to focus on what they can give, rather than what they think they deserve.
Find ways to simply have fun together. "Play games, be silly, and step into their world," suggests Morin. "Allow for unstructured time just to be together. This is the best way to bond with kids and show them that you value them enough to create time to spend together."
Children need to hear that it is okay to be scared and that many fears pass with time. They want and deserve some sympathy for their fears. It is also helpful when talking to your child about their fears to model for them calmness, adequacy and optimism. If you feel that things are okay, the feeling is projected.
Demonstrate trust.
Often that means giving them the freedom to make their own decisions and follow through with their own attempts. Instead of cleaning up their spilled milk or picking up their toys or clothes, try letting them know you trust them to do it by themselves.
It could help to join a club, group or activity. Finding something they are good at, and realising that they can do new things, can provide a huge boost to their feelings of self-worth. You could also encourage them to express themselves creatively - for example through art, drama or music.
Insecure attachment itself may contribute to anxiety, but insecurely attached children also are more likely to have difficulties regulating emotions and interacting competently with peers, which may further contribute to anxiety.
The foundation of emotional security is a strong relationship between parent and child. Children need to feel loved and valued by their parents. Spend quality time with your child, show affection, and be responsive to their needs.
“When a person's first attachment experience is being unloved, this can create difficulty in closeness and intimacy, creating continuous feelings of anxiety and avoidance of creating deep meaningful relationships as an adult,” says Nancy Paloma Collins, LMFT in Newport Beach, California.
Another reason children can be ungrateful is that they don't have any experience to compare life to. When children are little, it's great to encourage them to donate toys or backpacks to others in need. However, unless they can get a firsthand experience of what it's like to live in that way, the lesson can be lost.
Talk about the events people go through across the world and what it might feel like to be in someone else's shoes. When you see selfishness in your kids, set good boundaries and limits. Be consistent. Teach, talk and show what it means to think of others and do for others without strings attached.
Children with a better early understanding of emotions and mental states understand more about gratitude. Mental state knowledge at age 4 mediated the relation between emotion knowledge at age 3 and gratitude understanding at age 5.
The parents even called the age of 8 the "hateful eights," which is a little harsh, but the parents noted that tantrums seem to have really intensified around the age of 8.