When our spouse betrays us, our self-esteem can be shattered. We may blame ourselves for their poor choices instead of holding them accountable. Why are we so hard on ourselves? Often, a spouse's betrayal can lead to false, negative beliefs about ourselves.
Healing from betrayal is a process that you can't rush. It might consume your life for a while, but you'll feel better each day if you keep trying to overcome it. Try to give it time.
Overcoming the pain and heartache from your partner's betrayal can be complicated. Recovering from betrayal trauma is not something you can rush through in a day or two. It takes between eighteen months to three years for most people to fully recover.
So why do we feel so insecure after an infidelity incident? Broken Trust: You trusted your partner, and they let you down. That can be an ego blow that prompts you to start questioning your judgment. Or, you may mistakenly internalize the notion that you are somehow lacking and caused your partner's infidelity.
A once peaceful and content mind can now rev out of control with thoughts, images and imaginings about the specifics of the affair. One insidious form of trauma-induced obsessive thinking is the “need to know” exactly what happened between one's spouse/partner and the affair partner, down to a granular level of detail.
The effects of betrayal include shock, loss and grief, morbid pre-occupation, damaged self-esteem, self-doubting, anger. Not infrequently they produce life-altering changes.
Betrayal hurts because someone you love and care about chose to hurt you. When you have put such a large emotional investment into a person and only for them to turn around and cause you suffering, you feel as though you lost a part of yourself. This feeling of heartbreak is normal for a short duration.
Betrayal trauma is the result of the violation of a deep attachment, where there has been abuse or neglect of an individual who depends on that attachment for their safety and well-being.
As if that is not enough, when betrayal occurs, your brain begins to operate in a different way. The fear center fires up and stays fired up, creating hyper-vigilance, restlessness, anxiety, and a sense of being perpetually on guard.
They include shock, denial, obsession, anger, bargaining, mourning, acceptance and recovery. Betrayal trauma parallels the sudden loss of a loved one. While going through the stages of grief is part of the healing journey, the stages are not linear. They can overlap, repeat, and occasionally coincide.
Symptoms of Post Infidelity Stress Disorder
Trauma recall: You may have painful memories, flashbacks, or nightmares that cause you to relive the traumatic experience. Numbness: While some people are filled with anger and hurt upon discovering their partner's betrayal, other people go numb and feel emotionless.
Infidelity PTSD can be difficult to overcome but there are ways to move forward. Focusing on yourself and what you need is important. Establishing healthy boundaries and exploring your feelings will help you to identify better ways to cope and feel more in control. Remember to take things one day at a time.
Research shows that betrayed partners, after learning that their significant other has strayed, typically experience stress, anxiety, and depressive symptoms characteristic of Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD).
"You may have all the trust in the world that your partner isn't going to cheat on you but still feel insecure," says Jeney. Our core insecurities, she adds, often stem from attachment wounds, which is a way to describe any time there was a significant relationship that has ruptured our trust in the past.
Infidelity is the betrayal our society focuses on, but it is actually the subtle, unnoticed betrayals that truly ruin relationships. When partners do not choose each other day after day, trust and commitment erode away.
The stages of betrayal trauma recovery are not always linear, but there are generally three main phases: shock and disbelief, grief and anger, and rebuilding trust. In the first stage, shock and disbelief, people often feel numb and confused.
MD. Betrayal trauma is a type of trauma that refers to the pain and emotional distress that occurs when a trusted institution, loved one, or intimate partner violates someone's trust. Betrayal trauma may occur alongside things like gaslighting and lead to anxiety and depression.
How we deal with those mistakes is what we can use to show our partners just how much we care about them. So yes, you can love your partner and betray them. Or be loved and feel betrayed. If it happens, it's important to show them how much you care and take responsibility do what's in your power to make things right.