Discard: Eventually, the relationship with a narcissist will likely come to an end. When a narcissist decides to end a relationship, they may do so abruptly and without warning. They may discard their partner as if they never existed, or they may try to blame the partner for the relationship's failure.
At the end of a relationship, a narcissist will often spiral down a long-winded gauntlet of manipulation tactics. They may blame you for causing the relationship to fail, work hard to keep you to stay with them, make lofty promises to change their behavior, or badmouth you to everyone around them.
Although most narcissists seem to attempt reconciliation a few times before suddenly disappearing, most eventually stop and proceed with an abrupt separation or divorce. There are several significant reasons as to why they do this.
Narcissists lose interest as the expectation of intimacy increases, or when they've won at their game. Many have trouble sustaining a relationship for more than six months to a few years. They prioritize power over intimacy and loathe vulnerability, which they consider weak.
Narcissists typically end their relationships once they get bored with a partner. They're much more concerned with the chase and later the conquest that comes with controlling a partner.
Individuals in emotionally abusive relationships experience a dizzying whirlwind that includes three stages: idealization, devaluing, and discarding.
Narcissistic relationships can last anywhere from a few days or weeks to many years. There are anecdotal observations suggesting that the average length of a narcissistic relationship is around six months, but no empirical evidence supports this claim.
People who are impressive in some way, either in their career, hobbies and talents, their friendship circles, or family. Someone who will make the narcissist feel good about themselves, through compliments or gestures. Anyone who will reflect well on them in the eyes of other people.
The cerebral cortex has also been found to be less developed in narcissists and this area is responsible for memory, emotions and behaviour. Therefore the narcissist seems to move on so fast because their emotions are not as deep as ours but also, they don't form memories in the same way the rest of us do.
The best way to shut down a narcissist is to walk away from them. If all else fails, you can physically remove yourself from the conversation. Even if they keep talking, simply turn around and walk away. If they follow you, close the door.
A recent research study conducted byMogilski and Welling (2017) showed that those who had darker personality traits such as narcissism, psychopathy and duplicity tended to stay friends with their exes out of pragmatism, sex and access to resources.
The narcissist is usually aware that their relationships will not last, and the narcissist discard may be an attempt to feel in control and end relationships on their terms.
Unless they have had a lot of successful psychotherapy for their NPD, they do not feel guilt, shame, or self-doubt so long as their narcissistic defenses hold. This means that they do not think there is anything for them to regret, no matter how hurt you feel.
Breakups with narcissists don't always end the relationship. Many won't let you go, even when they are the ones who left the relationship, and even when they're with a new partner. They won't accept “no.” They hoover in an attempt to rekindle the relationship or stay friends after a breakup or divorce.
Breaking up with a narcissist is likely to be a draining experience. Either they won't let you go without a fight, or they will discard you without looking back. Both experiences are extremely hurtful.
In fact, the love language of the narcissist is to get you to do all the work of the relationship. They feel “loved” when you are proving your love and loyalty. They believe you are invested into the relationship when you invest more into them than you invest in you.
One effective way that a narcissist can draw someone back into their realm is to say, “I love you.” If you're especially important to a narcissist, they'll say and do just about anything to get you back, including using those powerful three words.
Narcissists are attracted to certain types of people. Rather than weak, vulnerable people, they tend to go for the strong-willed and talented. They are also attracted to people who reflect well on themselves.
Type As can also be dangerous to narcissists
Although they can be targeted, type A people can also become a narcissist's worst nightmare. One of the most important defenses against dark personalities is having strong boundaries yourself, and type A people are usually aware they have the right to build them.
In fact, narcissists are often attracted to strong, confident, and self-assured women. While this may seem counterintuitive, it is important to realize that the narcissistic traits of grandiosity and confidence are really a mask for deep insecurity.
The narcissistic abuse cycle is a pattern of behavior that is common in relationships where one partner is a narcissist. This cycle can be difficult to break free from, but it is possible with the right help and support. It typically consists of three phases: idealization, devaluation, discarding and hovering.
Most narcissists become more controlling, once they're settled in a long term relationship. They see their significant others more like property than a person. And don't consider they have their own wants and needs. In their mind, their significant others are there to serve them.
The period of calm after an abusive event is called the honeymoon phase. For the narcissist, the release of emotional energy during a rant is therapeutic. Sometimes, they are even completely unaware of what they have said.