When someone doesn't have friends it's almost never because their core personality is unlikable. It's usually due to a mix of interfering factors such as: They're not knowledgeable about the skills for making friends. They're too shy, socially anxious, insecure, or unconfident to pursue friendships.
"Lacking encouragement from family or friends, those who are lonely may slide into unhealthy habits," Valtorta says. "In addition, loneliness has been found to raise levels of stress, impede sleep and, in turn, harm the body. Loneliness can also augment depression or anxiety."
Jessica Harrison, a licensed professional counselor and owner of Courageous Counseling and Consulting, says a lack of long-term friendships is a major red flag. "It shows that they have not been committed to growing in relationships, which takes time and effort on both friends' part," says Harrison.
Isolation can cause various mental and physical health problems, while having friendships can improve your overall well-being. Research of 323,000 individuals that examined the importance of friendships worldwide found that those who prioritized friendships had higher overall health and well-being.
People who are uncomfortable with others or prefer to be alone may have a hard time maintaining friendships. Personality issues such as being pushy, too talkative, or controlling can be off-putting to others. Talking to an objective third party such as a therapist can help reveal issues that interfere with friendships.
Why Is it Actually Hard to Make Friends in Adulthood? Research shows that the most common reason why people struggle to connect with others is due to a lack of trust. It's harder than ever for people to find friends that they can fully invest in emotionally and mentally.
There's no “right” number of friends you should have, but research says most people have between 3 and 5 close friends. Friendship is necessary, but it can feel challenging to find people who really “get” you. What's more, what you need from your friends might change as your life circumstances change.
A loner is a person who does not seek out, or may actively avoid, interaction with other people. There are many potential reasons for their solitude. Intentional reasons include introversion, mysticism, spirituality, religion, or personal considerations. Unintentional reasons involve being highly sensitive or shy.
When researchers interviewed adults about making friends in a recent study, the most important challenge cited was a lack of trust. That is, people found it harder to put their trust in someone new and fully invest in them as a friend compared to when they were younger.
Friends prevent isolation and loneliness and give you a chance to offer needed companionship, too. Friends can also: Increase your sense of belonging and purpose. Boost your happiness and reduce your stress.
Often getting left out can result from simple miscommunications: Maybe your friends thought you were too busy with your job to go shopping on a weekday. Perhaps you accidentally texted them the wrong date or time for an event, and they planned something else without you.
In short, after the age of 25, your personality and friendships are more or less consolidated. So if you are suddenly thrust into a new environment, it's normal to feel like it's difficult for you to fit in, even if you meet people who share similar interests.
Research tells us that, for both men and women, the age of 25 is when most of us start losing friends. “Suddenly, your friends disappear, or you all start taking new life directions as you graduate from college,” Jackson says. “You adopt new values.
According to “The Friendship Report,” a global study commissioned by Snapchat in 2019, the average age at which we meet our best friends is 21—a stage when we're not only bonding over formative new experiences such as first love and first heartbreak, but also growing more discerning about whom we befriend.
Shyness, introversion, and social anxiety may make people put the brakes on connecting with others. If a person has poor self-esteem or mental health issues, they may also struggle to connect. If this sounds like you, you may need some extra support to start feeling your best.
Narcissists value fame, beauty, and success more than relationships. Sure, they date and have friends and often these relationships start out exciting — but fizzle quickly. “People who are narcissistic should have a trail of bad relationships behind them,” Campbell said.
Some people are naturally loners, as in they prefer to be by themselves some/most of the time. But if they're a loner because they dislike others or because others dislike them, it's likely that they're just unpleasant — and it could be a red flag.
Whether you just moved to a new neighborhood or just are at a time in your life when feel like your social life has been lacking, making friends as an adult can be a difficult feat. We've all been there—but the truth is, it is totally possible to make new friends, no matter how old you are.