Tell your partner that you're aware of the pain you've caused, and stress the fact that you were wrong. Let your partner know they didn't deserve it, and you feel intense remorse over whatever you did. Avoid over-explaining yourself.
Say something like: “I had an issue and I dealt with it in the wrong way. And I want to work through that issue with you so that this never happens again, because I love you and am committed to you.”
Cheating can shake a relationship to its core, but there are ways to forgive your partner after infidelity occurs. A cheater has to be remorseful about their actions if they want a chance to repair the relationship, Matt Lundquist, a psychotherapist and director of Tribeca Therapy, told INSIDER.
Experts say it's possible for couples to go on to have a happy relationship after infidelity, provided they're willing to put in the work. “The couple can survive and grow after an affair,” says Coleman.
What a reader says: "Yes, you should always tell your partner, but not for your own peace of mind. Instead you should do it because the person you cheated on has the right to decide whether or not they should continue the relationship.
It is absolutely possible that your partner does love you, did love you before, and will continue to love you in the future. Infidelity does not mean that the love is gone or never existed. The reality is that you can love someone and still cheat on them.
For some, cheating is a way to explore repressed parts of the self. These cheaters don't actually want to change the core of who they are; they just want to escape the constraints of that for a little while. They're not looking for another person; they're looking for hidden versions of themselves.
What are the long-term effects of being cheated on? If you've been cheated on, it may take a long time to heal. It can cause you chronic anxiety, post-traumatic stress, depression, and mistrust of others for a long time after the event.
Infidelity affects 1 in every 2.7 couples and most (65%-70%) stay together after. Most partners engaged in infidelity actually want to stay in their relationships. There's a great potential to have a stronger marriage/relationship after infidelity than before.
Research from the past two decades shows that between 20 and 25 percent of married men cheat and between 10 and 15 percent of married women cheat, according to professor Nicholas Wolfinger.
According to the General Social Survey, men are more likely to cheat than women, with 20% of men and 13% of women reporting having sex with someone other than their partner while still married. However, the gender gap varies per age.
They start feeling guilt, shame, anger, and resentment, all at the same time, and it reflects in their behavior after getting caught cheating. Depression and remorse after cheating is very real, and that's what we see in this stage.
In some cases, it stems from unmet needs in a relationship. Issues like lack of communication, boredom, and personal insecurities can fester when they're not fully addressed. If one partner feels like they're never listened to or respected in their primary relationship, they may look for that in another person.
It's really hard to understand why people cheat on people they love. Sometimes, people decide to cheat because they feel unloved, or like they have fallen out of love, with their partner. Sometimes, they feel the romance is gone from their relationship, and having an illicit romance gives them a sense of excitement.
Telling your partner and therefore immediately unburdening yourself of your mistake is actually pretty selfish, she says. "You're the one sitting with the guilt, and if [the affair] is over and done, you absolutely don't want to then put that on your partner," she told the site.
It's a good idea to take a break if your partner cheated on you and you need time to make a decision. Cheating, emotionally or physically, is a huge deal breaker for a lot of people. But often, it's very hard to leave your boyfriend or girlfriend after they cheated.
How Many Couples Stay Together After an Affair? In one study, researchers found that with instances of secret infidelity, only about 20% of couples were still married after 5 years. However, for couples who revealed infidelity, that percentage jumped to 57%.