Instead of apologizing and then asking (or begging) for forgiveness, a better option might be to say something like, 'I know what I did was serious. I could understand if you were mad for a long time. If there is anything I can do to make it better, please let me know.
Don't just say: “I'm sorry you got hurt.” That's not owning up to your actions. Instead say: “I'm sorry I called you naïve” or “I'm sorry I shoved past you.” Be specific about your actions and why you are apologizing for your behavior. Even more importantly, don't project your actions as someone else's fault.
Ask them directly why they're ignoring you.
An honest and open conversation may be all it takes to get your relationship back on track. You may be surprised at what the issue is between you or why they think ignoring you is the right way to handle the problem.
The defensive apology
This one takes a bit of finesse and sleight-of-hand to pull off and it may actually work in the moment; it usually includes more than a little blame-shifting too. Yes, the words “I'm sorry” are included in this one; it's the construction of the apology you have to pay attention to.
1. A declaration made out of selfishness. Synonym: I don't want to feel guilty anymore. I feel guilty because of what happened, and guilt isn't a good feeling. I'm saying that I'm sorry to make myself feel better, not you.
You want to convey that you truly feel sorry and care about the person who was hurt, and promise to make amends, including by taking steps to avoid similar mishaps going forward as in the examples below.
You might say, “I get that you don't want to have this conversation” or “I know this is difficult to talk about…” Outline the next steps. Reinforce why having the conversation is essential to you and make it clear what choice or action you will take if they refuse to engage.
The Takeaway Apology: "I am sorry but..."
“I am sorry, but other people thought what I said was funny.” “I'm sorry, but you started it.” “I am sorry but I just couldn't help it.” “I am sorry, but I was just speaking the truth.”
Give it a few days (or even a week).
Waiting 2–3 days or up to a week before reaching out gives him a chance to text you first once he realizes what he's missing. If you've waited more than a week and still haven't heard back from him, it might be time to move on.
“Hey I've been feeling a bit neglected lately.”
The key elements are tone and volume – calm and loving for both – which keep things away from bluntness. It can also help to throw in, “Things have been feeling off here.” With any of the above, you can mix and match.
Remorse/Regret. Responsibility/Recognize. Restitution/Repair/Redress.
What Is A Gaslight Apology? A gaslight apology is an apology given that often appears sincere but the person is actually not taking any responsibility for what they have caused.
For example, a narcissist might offer an insincere apology to get something in return. They might apologize to make themselves out in a victim position or to repair the damage that's been done to their image. There are narcissists who don't apologize for their actions.
He remembered the three R's – regret, react, reassure.
THE EMPTY APOLOGY: “I'm sorry. I said I'm sorry.” The empty apology is all form and no substance. It's what you say to someone when you know you need to apologize but are so annoyed or frustrated that you can't muster even a modicum of real feeling. So you go through the motions, saying the words but not meaning them.
Passive voice, such as, “I'm sorry the wrong link was given to you.” Knee-jerk apologies that aren't really thought out can come across as insincere, or the apologizer may regret what they said in the moment. Passive-aggressive apologies are also insincere and intended to make the recipient feel badly.
If you want to know why he's been ignoring you, sending one polite but direct message and moving on if you don't get a response—or don't get the response you want—is usually best. Also, if he asks or has asked you not to contact him, it's important to respect that boundary.
I hope you're well." You can also ask over text, "Hey! I've been thinking about you. How are you doing?" Definitely don't send this text if it hasn't been at least a few days since they last texted you. It's better to text asking if they're okay than asking why they're ignoring you when you don't hear back.