How do you break defensive behavior?

Take responsibility. The antidote to defensiveness is to accept responsibility for your role in the situation, even if only for part of the conflict. In healthy relationships, partners don't get defensive when discussing an area of conflict.

Takedown request   |   View complete answer on gottman.com

How do I get rid of defensive behavior?

How to Not Be Defensive
  1. Know your triggers and anticipate them. ...
  2. Give it a name. ...
  3. Assume good intentions. ...
  4. Don't take it personally. ...
  5. Adopt a growth mindset. ...
  6. Exercise self-compassion.

Takedown request   |   View complete answer on nextsteppartners.com

What is the root of defensiveness?

Causes of Defensiveness

Feeling like others don't care enough about you. Being afraid of rejection. Having low self-esteem. Lacking confidence.

Takedown request   |   View complete answer on healthyloveandmoney.com

How do you break the cycle of defensiveness?

Slow down. Pause. Take a breath or–even better–take a walk. Deliberately slowing down your physical and emotional reactions is a sure-fire way to defuse defensiveness.

Takedown request   |   View complete answer on zenbusiness.com

How do you deal with someone who is really defensive?

One of the most effective methods of communicating with a defensive person is using “I” statements. This means framing the effects of situation around your personal experience, not on what the other person did wrong or what it might mean about them as a person.

Takedown request   |   View complete answer on psychcentral.com

You Don't Have to Defend Yourself | How Not To Be Defensive

39 related questions found

What kind of person is always defensive?

A defensive person can be someone with Narcissistic Personality Disorder. It can also be someone that is a regular victim of emotional abuse that is constantly criticized. A defensive person can also be someone that has low self-esteem or that has a difficult time listening to criticisms about themself.

Takedown request   |   View complete answer on betterhelp.com

Is being defensive toxic?

Defensiveness is a harmful and unhealthy emotional coping strategy that leads to personal and relationship dissatisfaction over time by avoiding bad feelings in the short term and not actually solving the problem.

Takedown request   |   View complete answer on choosingtherapy.com

Is defensiveness a trauma response?

An example of defensive behavior stemming from trauma is when someone has been through abuse in the past and has a hard time trusting other people because of it. So when their partner questions them about something, they lash out with defensive actions to keep others away so that nothing bad happens again.

Takedown request   |   View complete answer on farzadlaw.com

What causes defensiveness?

As you've learned, being defensive is a result of feeling ashamed, hurt, guilty, attacked, etc. If a person is feeling this way, responding with further criticism is likely to end only in stonewalling or an argument. Instead, show empathy and concern for the situation that the other person is experiencing.

Takedown request   |   View complete answer on verywellmind.com

Why do people get defensive?

When someone is embarrassed by what another person says or does, they may respond defensively. Embarrassment often occurs because of incorrect beliefs someone may have about themselves such as worthlessness, fear of abandonment, failure, or scarcity of positives in their lives.

Takedown request   |   View complete answer on careersingovernment.com

Is defensiveness an insecurity?

However, when someone gets defensive about their idea or point of view, it is usually a clear sign of insecurity. Defensiveness occurs if we know we aren't comfortable with what we are saying or doing.

Takedown request   |   View complete answer on articulatepersuasion.com

Can defensiveness be cured?

The antidote to defensiveness is to accept responsibility for your role in the situation, even if only for part of the conflict. In healthy relationships, partners don't get defensive when discussing an area of conflict.

Takedown request   |   View complete answer on gottman.com

Does defensiveness come from insecurity?

If you want to become less defensive in your most important relationships, it's important to understand how defensiveness actually works. In almost all cases, defensiveness is the result of emotional insecurity and fear.

Takedown request   |   View complete answer on nickwignall.com

Is being defensive a personality trait?

A brief personality profile of the individual who gets easily defensive. Defensive individuals often have control and power issues, and perceive anyone confronting them or holding them accountable as a threat. They are uncomfortable with feelings in general and managing their own.

Takedown request   |   View complete answer on psychologytoday.com

What are defensive behaviors avoiding action?

Defensive behaviors are argued to: (1) avoid action, via over-conforming, passing the buck, playing dumb, depersonalizing, smoothing and stretch- ing, and stalling, (2) avoid blame via buffing, playing safe, justifying, scapegoating, misrepresenting, and escalating commitment, and (3) avoid change via resisting change ...

Takedown request   |   View complete answer on journals.sagepub.com

Why am I so mean and defensive?

The Causes of Defensiveness

Defensive behavior can be a complex and murky issue. For many people, their behavioral patterns stem from emotional, mental, or personality issues/tendencies developed over the course of their lifetimes (feelings of abandonment, inferiority, low self-esteem, narcissism, etc.).

Takedown request   |   View complete answer on leadingwithtrust.com

Is defensiveness a coping mechanism?

Defensiveness is a coping skill — a response to a perceived attack or criticism. In general, there are two ways to respond: You can deny it, act out, attack, blame someone else, or. You can intellectually rationalize the perceived attack or criticism.

Takedown request   |   View complete answer on jodymichael.com

Is defensiveness a narcissistic trait?

People with high levels of narcissism tend to respond very defensively when their positive self-evaluations are threatened.

Takedown request   |   View complete answer on ecommons.luc.edu

Is defensiveness a red flag?

It is essential to pay attention to how someone reacts when you confront them about an issue or concern. If they become defensive, angry, or hostile, it's a red flag. It's important to trust your intuition; if something seems off or feels wrong, it likely is.

Takedown request   |   View complete answer on anchorlighttherapy.com

Are defensive people sensitive?

They are sensitive but, often, their reactions to your comments are a defence mechanism. The two may feel the same to the person experiencing these feelings but, in reality, they are worlds apart.

Takedown request   |   View complete answer on counselling-directory.org.uk

Is defensiveness passive aggressive?

Instead of communicating needs or stating a position using clear, concise, and non-combative language, a defensive person will rely on passive-aggressive statements that throw the argument back on their partner. Instead of explaining a point of view, all you're doing is giving your partner all new reasons to be angry.

Takedown request   |   View complete answer on fatherly.com

How do you communicate with someone who is defensive?

Here are several steps that can help you become more emotionally intelligent when dealing with defensive people:
  1. Refrain from reacting defensively. ...
  2. Shift your focus to the other person. ...
  3. Ask questions until you understand them. ...
  4. Move toward a resolution.

Takedown request   |   View complete answer on bizjournals.com

Why do people get angry when defensive?

Additionally, defensive habits may cause difficulties in pushing others away or communicating. Our brains instinctively kick into "fight or flight" mode when we think we are in trouble, which may lead to overwhelming emotions like anger or anxiety.

Takedown request   |   View complete answer on betterhelp.com

How do I stop defensive aggression?

It's best to address the fear in Anxiety and Avoidance (above) by moving away from the perceived threat or lessening its intensity. For a dog not used to handling, for example, shorter sessions are best. For a dog who actively avoids other dogs or strangers, allowing that space is wise.

Takedown request   |   View complete answer on marinhumane.org

What is a defensive behavior response?

Defensive behaviors are a group of evolved responses to threat. They include flight, freezing, defensive threat, defensive attack, and risk assessment. The type of defensive behavior elicited in a particular situation depends on features of both the threat and the situation.

Takedown request   |   View complete answer on sciencedirect.com