Strategies to consider include distraction, diversion, helping the person use calming strategies such as fiddle toys or listening to music, removing any potential triggers, and staying calm yourself.
They may show love, for example, through a practical act, and tidy up for you, or iron your shirt, rather than through a more neurotypical way of looking at you and telling you or using physical affection.
It is helpful to your partner if your communication is clear, calm and predictable. The person with ASD will usually want to meet their partner's needs once s/he understands how to meet those needs. Explicitly communicating your social, emotional, mental, physical, including sexual needs, is important.
During a meltdown: what to do
Give your child space, don't touch them, and keep other people away. Turn down lights and keep things quiet, or give your child noise-cancelling headphones. Let one person speak to your child, but don't say too much. Stay calm and wait.
Every autistic person is different, but sensory differences, changes in routine, anxiety, and communication difficulties are common triggers.
Many autistic people experience hypersensitivity to bright lights or certain light wavelengths (e.g., LED or fluorescent lights). Certain sounds, smells, textures and tastes can also be overwhelming. This can result in sensory avoidance – trying to get away from stimuli that most people can easily tune out.
Children with autism are often unaware of their behaviors and struggle with reading the body language of others. Yelling at a child with autism can cause chronic levels of stress in the child and is not helpful in working towards a solution or strategy for change.
Autistic people's difficulty with expressing emotions can make relationships difficult for them to navigate. Although people with autism have the same feelings as everyone else, their feelings can be more intense than those neurotypical people express.
Many people with autism crave intimacy and love. But, they don't know how to achieve it in a romantic relationship. They can feel blind to everyday subtle social cues from their partner. This can cause conflict and hurt feelings.
These traits can include anything from jealousy to anger issues to anxiety — anything that seems to be getting in the way of a satisfying relationship. Again, this doesn't just apply to the autistic person in the relationship. Both people should be willing to admit when their own traits and habits are a problem.
People with autism may get easily attached to people, leading them to become over-friendly. It can be difficult to understand other people's perceptions of situations, therefore what they feel is appropriate, may be considered as socially unacceptable.
For instance, autistic people tend to be particularly honest, reliable, and loyal — some of the most important traits for a long-term relationship. You may just need to be more direct when communicating than you are used to and be prepared to give your partner space when they feel overstimulated.
Widespread stereotypes suggest that people with autism are incapable of feeling romantic love. In reality, people with autism can experience romantic love and often attach considerable value to their close relationships.
Slow Down. Another thing that's important to do when you experience conflict is slow down and take deep breaths. Fights happen so fast and can easily trigger intense emotional responses that make conflict worse. It actually can be helpful to even ask for some time to process how you are feeling.
A recent National Autistic Society survey found 59% of autistic people said anxiety had a high impact on their ability to get on with life. Experiencing such high levels of anxiety can lead to exhaustion and meltdowns. It may also lead to autistic fatigue and burnout.
Adults diagnosed with autism spectrum disorder (ASD), including Asperger's and autism, are prone to anger outbursts. An 'on-off' quality during which individuals may be calm one second and then have an autism outburst in the next is common.
In previous studies of children with ASD, the term 'irritability' was often used to describe severe behavioral difficulties, e.g., verbal and physical aggression, self‐injury or property destruction.
Although your son's reaction sounds more severe than most, many people with autism struggle with a range of fears, phobias and worries. These can range from a debilitating fear of, say, spiders or the dark to chronic anxiety about making mistakes or being late.