Anger is present as a key criterion in five diagnoses within DSM-5: Intermittent Explosive Disorder, Oppositional Defiant Disorder, Disruptive Mood Dysregulation Disorder, Borderline Personality Disorder and Bipolar Disorder.
Don't take the anger personally
Although difficult, remain non-defensive. Rather than view outbursts as a personal attack, reframe the aggressiveness being directed at you as a signal that the person needs a target for his/her anger and must view you as being strong enough to take it.
If the spouse with the mental illness refuses to seek treatment despite understanding the toll the illness has taken on them and their family, recognizing that help is available, and having access to a licensed treatment center, then the individual may need to leave to protect their own mental health.
Not only is BPD one of the most painful mental illnesses, but it's also intensified by stigma and being misunderstood by others. Fortunately, borderline personality disorder is a treatable condition, and the pain doesn't have to be endless.
Intense and sometimes inappropriate rage is a characteristic of borderline personality disorder (BPD). An individual with this mental health condition has difficulty regulating their emotions or returning to their baseline, which can include frustration-induced anger and even rage blackouts.
Intermittent explosive disorder (IED) is an often overlooked mental disorder identified by episodes of anger, sudden outbursts in which the person loses control entirely. This mental disorder usually begins in childhood or adolescence. Most people continue to experience it later in their life, though.
People sometimes commit crimes when they cannot understand the consequences of their actions or because they are unable to tell right from wrong. Instead of punishing them, a judge or jury can declare them not criminally responsible for their actions due to a mental illness. This is not an acquittal.
Extreme mood changes of highs and lows. Withdrawal from friends and activities. Significant tiredness, low energy or problems sleeping. Detachment from reality (delusions), paranoia or hallucinations.
Stay reasonable; keep your tone on the quiet side. A whisper can often be a bigger attention getter than yelling. As long as the person venting their anger is under control (they can stop if you ask them to) and not directed at you, it may be good to listen and allow our loved one to talk it out.
Histrionic personality disorder (HPD) interferes with emotional stability. People with histrionic personality disorder are prone to emotional overreaction in a wide variety of situations, and from the viewpoint of others they may seem constantly on edge.
Try going for a walk, making a phone call, watching something you like on YouTube--anything that keeps your mind engaged and off the other person, giving you time to cool down and bring your emotions back to balance.
There are three types of anger which help shape how we react in a situation that makes us angry. These are: Passive Aggression, Open Aggression, and Assertive Anger. If you are angry, the best approach is Assertive Anger. Big words, but check out what each type really means.
Family history of IED or another mental health condition. Possessing certain medical conditions. Personal history of brain trauma. Exposure to trauma / abuse / neglect. Witnessing aggressive or violent behaviors early in life.
An inability to cope with problems or daily activities. Feeling of disconnection or withdrawal from normal activities. Unusual or "magical" thinking. Excessive anxiety. Prolonged sadness, depression or apathy.
Catchings suggests being “kind, empathetic, and firm.” You want to follow the general rules of breaking up without being a jerk: be completely open and honest, do it in person (don't you dare think about doing it over text message), listen to what they have to say, and don't give them mixed signals after the breakup.
Try to make your partner understand that you still care, and wish him or her the best, but that you need to make a clean break for your own sake. Say goodbye and leave without regrets, or excessive drama. Remind your partner to continue with his or her treatment.