Avoidance coping involves cognitive and behavioral efforts oriented toward denying, minimizing, or otherwise avoiding dealing directly with stressful demands and is closely linked to distress and depression (Cronkite & Moos, 1995; Penley, Tomaka, & Wiebe, 2002).
They tend to be shy, awkward, and self-conscious in social situations due to a fear of doing something wrong or being embarrassed. They tend to exaggerate potential problems. They seldom try anything new or take chances. They have a poor self-image, seeing themselves as inadequate and inferior.
Avoidance is typically considered a maladaptive behavioral response to excessive fear and anxiety, leading to the maintenance of anxiety disorders. Exposure is a core element of cognitive-behavioral therapy for anxiety disorders.
late 14c., "action of emptying," from avoid + -ance. The sense of "action of dodging or shunning" is recorded from early 15c.; it also meant "action of making legally invalid" (1620s), and, of an office, etc., "becoming vacant" (mid-15c.).
Abuse at the hands of someone with an avoidant personality disorder often includes psychological and emotional abuse. Don't be afraid to reach out for help, pursue support groups for loved ones, seek your own therapy, separate, or leave the relationship completely.
Identifying Avoidant Behaviors in Your Partner
Not saying “I love you” or other expressions of love. Deflecting conversations about further commitment, such as monogamy, engagement, or marriage. Dismissing or mocking a partner's attempts to be closer, or to engage on a deeper level.
If an avoidant starts pulling away, let them know that you care but do not chase them. It may be very painful to do this, but pursuing them is likely to make it take longer for them to come back. They need breathing space, to feel safe with their own thoughts and unengulfed.
An avoidant partner needs to trust that you're there for them without being overly clingy. They also tend to watch behaviors intently to believe that. So, doing things together to create positive feelings will build trust over time. Examples include reading, walking, and going to shows together, amongst others.
Avoidants will shut down if they feel like you're rushing them. Let your partner take the lead in the relationship so things progress at their pace. It might feel like you're going nowhere sometimes, but your partner will slowly grow more comfortable in your relationship. They just need to be sure you won't leave.
The Avoidant Attachment Style Stress Response
Therefore, in an attempt to protect themselves from distress, they engage their “flee” strategy by shutting down their attachment system and denying their negative feelings. Avoidant attachers may even become irritated by others' outward reactions to stress.
Much like the anxious attachment style, the avoidant attachment style is often due to early childhood experiences. Trauma that could cause avoidant attachment includes neglect. This can explain why they fear getting too close to others. Or, why they feel they have to be so independent.
Because people with an avoidant attachment style fear not being lovable or good enough, feeling criticized or judged by loved ones can be particularly painful. Especially when it comes to things that they are not so comfortable with, such as their emotions and feelings.
Adults with avoidant attachment may struggle to establish close relationships as a result of being very independent and unlikely to look to others for support or help. A person who is concerned that they or their child may have avoidant attachment should speak to a therapist or doctor.
High levels of avoidance
They fear closeness to their partners and avoid them because of the possibility of rejection. They don't feel comfortable getting close to others. What is this? Avoidant adults worry about being hurt if they become too close to others.
There are two types of avoidant attachment styles: dismissive-avoidant and fearful or anxious-avoidant, explains Seaside Counseling Center owner and therapist Rachel (Bauder) Cohen, MSW, LCSW.
At their core, avoidant partners tend to believe that no one will ever meet their needs. They expect that others do not want them to thrive or will not allow them to be themselves. They also may fear that they cannot measure up to what others want. In response, they wall themselves off for protection.
Avoidance provides temporary relief from anxiety, shame, and other uncomfortable feelings. This is a form of emotional control, and controlling thoughts and feelings can have unintended consequences. You can begin letting go of unnecessary control by mapping out the costs to your life of your control efforts.
Denial is a common defense mechanism where you refuse to accept facts or reality. Avoidance is a defense mechanism where you might avoid dealing with a tough issue through different behaviors and responses such as procrastination, rumination, and passive-aggressiveness.
Avoidance is a typical trauma response. It is a coping mechanism that you may use to reduce the adverse effects of trauma, such as distressing thoughts and feelings. It is entirely natural to want to not think about a traumatic event or your emotions related to it.