Try to limit your contact with the person in general and avoid engaging with the family member when you do see them. Put the brakes on the person's bad behavior. You could say, This is not a conversation I want to have then leave the room or end the phone call.
Put some distance between you and them.
This means cutting off all contact from them. If you don't want to go to that extreme, especially if it's a family member, then try to put some space between you and them. Maybe you could unfollow them on social media or only plan to see them once or twice a year.
"If a family member is not capable of curtailing their negative interactions with you or your children after you have asked them to do so, and it is clear your children are not benefiting in some way from that relationship, then there is no point to continue to maintain a hurtful relationship," says Dr. Halpern.
Cutting ties with your family is difficult–and not what most people want. But sometimes it's the only way to save your sanity and heal the emotional pain caused by a “toxic* or abusive family. Cutting ties with toxic family members is an act of self-care. Not something you do because you're mean or spiteful.
Although three days and two nights is the ideal visit, Hokemeyer admits that when guests are coming from a great distance, the stay may have to be extended. When the visit is longer, more care has to be taken to reduce stress.
Set Clear Boundaries
You might ask your family member to change their behavior, such as saying, “Please don't curse at me.” “This is not usually successful with toxic people because they're not motivated to change their behavior,” she says. Instead, the boundary helps remind you to protect yourself from their ways.
There is no right way to deal with a toxic family member. Only you can decide how much contact is right for you. And you will know if and when you need to walk away in order to save yourself. Just know that its okay to end a toxic relationship even with a family member.
If you have determined that the family member is randomly physically abusive, you have not been able to identify a behavioral pattern, and there are no benefits to keeping the person in your life, it might be a good option to discontinue any type of relationship with the family member.
You have a right to lead a happy life and to distance yourself from people—no matter who they are—who act in an abusive manner towards you. If your toxic family continues to disrespect you, to ignore your boundaries, and to gaslight you, you have every right to cut ties.
Most people move out of the family home and set up their own place during their late teens to late 20s. Whether or not leaving goes smoothly depends on the reasons you are moving out and the nature of the relationship you have with your family.
While there are a lot of factors involved, the average age when people move out of their parent's home is somewhere between 24 and 27. This makes logical sense – it's after many people have completed college and around the time when most people get married and/or are in a long-term relationship.
Not liking your family does not make you a bad person. In some cases, you can still maintain relationships with people even if you may not necessarily like them. This is not always possible, however, depending on the situation, the people involved, and underlying factors that have caused tension in the relationship.
Toxic siblings will often take advantage of you. They might exploit you emotionally. For example, they could manipulate you into serving their own psychological needs. They could be counting on your assistance with whatever and whatever.
Feelings of extreme anxiety, low self-esteem, worthlessness, difficulty trusting others, maintaining close relationships, or feeling worn out after a visit with your family are all signs you grew up in a toxic family.
Distance yourself from such family members and avoid letting them into your life whenever it suits them. Separating yourself from family members is not that easy. However, if your mental health is at stake it is okay to walk away from them. Even if it's a parent.
Stop walking on eggshells and get the courage to walk away. Real friends and loved ones appreciate you as you are and wouldn't never make you feel unworthy or insignificant. The only thing that might be worthless is continuing to expose yourself to toxic people.
“Sometimes families that don't function well can have a lasting psychological impact. People who have been in such family environments are so used to it that they get used to unhealthy relationships as well and feel that this situation seems more familiar and so find it difficult to move away,” says Dr Anand.
In other words, when a family member expresses disapproval of your actions—or directly criticizes you—they may be doing it because they deeply care about what happens to you. Family members (especially parents and children) often worry about one another because they care.