Contact the bereaved person as soon as possible after their loved one's death. This contact could be a personal visit, telephone call, text message, sympathy card or flowers. Attend the funeral or memorial service if you can. They need to know that you care enough to support them through this difficult event.
Offer Hope
Be reassuring: tell them that it may not seem possible now, but they will feel better. If it's appropriate, share how you dealt with the loss of a loved one. You might say: “I found a way through my grief, and I know you will. You are a strong person, and I am here for you.”
The closer your relationship to the bereaved or the person who died, the sooner you'll want to reach out. If you are a close friend or relative: Call or text immediately, find a time to visit the bereaved at home, and continue to stay in touch on a daily basis.
Let the bereaved person know you care and want to help in any way you can. Ask if they feel like talking. Comment on your relationship with the deceased person - if you have one. If you are grieving their loss too, say so.
Offering a simple “thinking of you” text message can let them know that you're there for them. They might be in the midst of a grief “fog” and not even be aware that they need your help. Sending a text that lets them know you are thinking about them can give them a gentle nudge to let them know you are there for them.
One way to help a grieving friend feel less alone is to simply remind them that you care. Ask how they are doing today. Tell them you're ready for their real answer—fine, terrible, a shrug—without judgement. This lets your friend know they can let their guard down and that you're there for them.
Check in every now and then just to say hello (you may find it helpful to put reminders on your calendar). Most bereaved people find it difficult to reach out and need others to take the initiative.
Saying things like “She is in a better place” or “He's better off” can be offensive. For a person grieving, the better place for a loved one is here, not on the Other Side. Telling someone a loved one is better off dead will most likely be taken as a cold and callous comment.
“How are things?” “Is anything on your mind?” “What's the most difficult thing you've experienced lately?”
It's natural to feel unsure of what to say. The most crucial thing to know when you text condolences is that there are no perfect words that will heal a grieving person. However, if you can send a comforting text with words that offer your sympathy with genuine care, your message will matter!
Focus on listening.
Try to respect what the bereaved person is choosing to share with you and focus on listening rather than finding out more. Give the bereaved person space to open up if they want to, while also being sensitive if they would rather not take it further.
A: If you're curious about how your friend's loved one died, but you're not close enough to already know or ask in person, then asking is prying. Take your lead from the post itself: If your friend made a simple statement, respond with something short like, “Sorry for your loss, friend.”
Contact the bereaved person as soon as possible after their loved one's death. This contact could be a personal visit, telephone call, text message, sympathy card or flowers. Attend the funeral or memorial service if you can. They need to know that you care enough to support them through this difficult event.
Use simple questions like, “How are you going?” Or, “What's been happening? I've noticed you seem a bit flat lately.” Mention specific things that you've been concerned about, like, “You don't seem to be your bubbly self lately.” Use open-ended questions such as, “So tell me about …”
Instead of asking, “How are you holding up?” Say, “Thinking of you and hoping you're doing OK. No need to reply.” And don't expect to receive a prompt response in return. Taking away the burden of having to respond can relieve some pressure for your friend. Then, when they are ready, they can text you back.