Closure can be found on your own terms. Because not everyone is going to give you closure, it's important to find it within yourself. Accept the situation for what it is, eliminate negative thoughts & memories, give yourself the apology they never gave you, and allow yourself to move the hell on.
To gain closure in a situation where you feel you've been ghosted, Meide says it can help to send a message by saying something like, “Hey, I haven't heard from you in a while. I'm not sure what happened, but I don't want to continue pursuing this.
New research reveals a rise in the 'Guilty-Ghoster', as nearly half of those who admitted to ghosting say they regret doing so. Over a third said this was because they felt guilty about their actions and 35% said they were worried they'd hurt their feelings, according to research from dating app Badoo.
After ghosting a partner, 65% of ghosters feel anxiety, awkwardness and guilt. This may vary from concerns of running into the ghostee in the future to simply hurting someone's feelings.
Ghosting hurts; it's a cruel rejection. It is particularly painful because you are left with no rationale, no guidelines for how to proceed, and often a heap of emotions to sort through on your own. If you suffer from any abandonment or self-esteem issues, being ghosted may bring them to the forefront.
Relationship experts and psychologists agree that people who ghost are avoiding an uncomfortable situation. This evasion, while perceived as a lack of regard, is often because they feel it's the best way to handle their own distress or inability to clearly communicate.
Ghosting itself reflects some classic traits of a narcissist, including low self-esteem, the need to have the upper hand in a relationship, and a lack of empathy for the other person. Someone with this personality disorder forms relationships based on how they may benefit them.
While every relationship is different, three days is enough time to consider yourself ghosted. Sure, everyone has emergencies or can come up with a valid excuse for not responding, but letting things linger for three days or longer is enough to categorise it as a ghosted situation.
By not officially ending things or giving you proper closure, it's easier for them to reappear in your life at a later time. Most ghosting scenarios are unforgivable, so when/if a ghoster reappears don't give them the satisfaction of a second chance or forgiveness.
As far as how long to wait before moving on and assuming the ghost is officially gone, it depends. "If it is someone you recently met, it can be two weeks before it's time to move on. If it's a longer relationship, it ranges up to a month," says Douglas.
Dr. Oca says, “If it feels good to you, you can acknowledge in a text that you were enjoying getting to know them and spending time with them and that you were surprised to not hear from them.” Curious, honest texts are best.
Intentionally ignoring a person without an explanation is one of the most passive aggressive forms of human behavior there is — it denotes a certain disdain for the person being ignored. It suggests a weakness of character and is a red flag that indicates an unresolved issue on behalf of the “ghoster.”
Directly ask what's wrong
Straightforward, I know! When you think someone is ghosting you, it's best to just be up-front and ask them what's going on.
Ghosting is a signal of a weak or strained connection.
Ghosting is a big red flag that we might be losing someone we love or someone we wanted to love. If someone ghosts you, they are either playing a game or they don't care about you right now.
Some people consider those who ghost to be emotionally immature or to have fears of intimacy, but ghosting is also a tactic used by abusers and manipulators who tend to have narcissistic traits and seek power and control over others.
That's when a person comes back from the dead or we also call this hoovering in the narcissistic abuse arena. So the ghosting in this case is actually a manipulative tactic like an extended “silent treatment” which is used to push you away and then pull you back. They push you away. They cut you off.
It's more painful than being openly rejected
However, the study concluded that ghosting's impact on mental health is worse than open rejection. “Over time, the memory of being ghosted is more painful than a direct breakup.
At its worst, ghosting is a trauma that can affect your willingness to trust others again or enter into future relationships. You might find yourself so fixated on getting closure from the ghoster that you can't move forward.
Ghosting is a sign of emotional immaturity.
Some days you'll feel great, and then you may have hard days again. This is normal. Although being ghosted is incredibly painful, try to remind yourself that you are better off without someone capable of such cruelty and disregard for your feelings.
If we're being real, it's easier to ignore a problem until it just goes away than having to face an uncomfortable situation, but ghosting is selfish and cowardly. "Though a ghoster's intentions aren't necessarily malicious, the behavior is ultimately selfish and childish," says Meyers.
Unwanted thoughts and intrusive memories can subsequently be triggered by being ghosted. These memories come from the Hippocampus, the part of the brain that consolidates memory and constantly adds to it.