Try empathizing, giving choices, and understanding that respect goes both ways. Looking for win/win solutions rather than just laying down the law keeps strong-willed children from becoming explosive and teaches them essential skills of negotiation and compromise. Strong-willed kids aren't just being difficult.
Strong-willed children like to challenge assumptions.
Teach your child to disagree and argue respectfully. Children who learn how to express independent thoughts in the home are more likely to say no to peer pressure.
As most parents know, children can be emotional or strong-willed. But a child who has frequent temper tantrums and consistently refuses to follow requests may have a deeper problem. Defiance and aggressiveness that continue could be a sign of oppositional defiant disorder (ODD).
How do you set boundaries with a strong-willed child?
In addition to using clear messages, you should also be clear with your actions to apply consequences when your rules aren't followed. Consequences are important because they 'teach your strong-willed child to tune back into your words, take them seriously, and cooperate more often.
Specifically, children may behave defiantly in an attempt to control a situation where they feel anxious and helpless. Researchers have labeled this form of defiant or disruptive behavior as “reactive aggression” [7].
Kids need some way to figure out how to filter for the important things! Often, yelling becomes an easy way to distinguish between a real command and a choice. The other reason yelling is "effective" is because we don't follow up commands to ensure kids follow through.
How to get kids to listen without nagging yelling or losing control?
Offer Warnings When Appropriate. Instead of yelling, give your child a warning when they don't listen. If you use a "when...then" phrase, it lets them know about the possible outcome once they follow through. Say something like, "When you pick up your toys, then you will be able to play with blocks after dinner."
Behaviour and Discipline. It's one of the oldest and most common discipline methods, but does sending children to their room actually work? Not really, say the experts, but even worse, it could also be teaching them to suppress emotions instead of learning how to deal with them.
If your child is energetic and finds it hard to sit still, they may be displaying some of the signs of ADHD. But if they are also able to control their impulses and emotions, pay attention, and respond appropriately in school and at home, they are probably just an energetic individual, and not affected by ADHD.
Oppositional defiant disorder (ODD) is a type of behavior disorder. It is mostly diagnosed in childhood. Children with ODD are uncooperative, defiant, and hostile toward peers, parents, teachers, and other authority figures. They are more troubling to others than they are to themselves.
Toddler defiance peaks at age 3 and for most children, as they mature defiance decreases — this is a normal part of development. For some children, defiance increases with age.
What does Oppositional Defiant Disorder look like in children?
Children with ODD typically have a persistent pattern of irritable, angry outbursts, arguments, and disobedience. While this behavior is usually directed at authority figures like parents and teachers, it can also target siblings, classmates, and other children.
When you say there will be a consequence to bad behavior, follow through with it so it's not an empty threat. If you don't, your kids will know that you don't really mean what you say. Hug your child after using discipline. Make sure your child knows it is the behavior you are not happy with, not your child.
Disrespectful behavior often comes down to kids having poor problem-solving skills and a lack of knowledge about how to be more respectful as they pull away. Often when kids separate from you they do it all wrong before they learn how to do it right.
