Narcissists will make you question everything about yourself, including the people around you and your sanity. It includes statements like, “There's something wrong with you,” “Everybody's worried about your state of mind,” “That's not what happened,” and “You're crazy”.
They will begin subtly and covertly putting you down to devalue you. The motivation of the narcissist is to make you feel weak and powerless – so as to gain control over you. They are deeply insecure people and here they will be projecting the devaluation of and feelings about themselves onto you.
Devaluation Stage
It often starts slowly. The narcissist will start dropping subtle hints that you've done something wrong, that you've forgotten something important, or that you've hurt their feelings. You'll start to feel insecure.
What does idealization and devaluation feel like? Both idealization and devaluation are marked by intense emotions of either affection or anger. For the person who is the subject of these emotions, the shift between the two can feel bewildering.
Devaluing is anything that diminishes or destroys the personhood of the other. [It's] treating the other person as if they are not deserving of honor and empathy and love and compassion and respect as a child of God.
"You're a bad person." "Nobody else will ever love you." "I'm the best you'll ever have." "Have fun being alone for the rest of your life."
If you are in a relationship and recognize the signs of being devalued, reaching out for help is the first and most important step. Start by meeting with a therapist with experience in assisting people in relationships with narcissists to break the cycle of narcissistic abuse.
Individuals in emotionally abusive relationships experience a dizzying whirlwind that includes three stages: idealization, devaluing, and discarding. This cycle can repeat numerous times, spinning a merry-go-round of emotional vertigo for those caught in such relationships.
Journaling about your core values and practicing daily affirmations is the most reliable technique you can use to stop the narcissist in your life from devaluing you because it puts you in a position from which you can acknowledge and understand that their devaluing statements are only as real as you let them be.
Here are some narcissism red flags to look out for: Lacking empathy. They seem unable or unwilling to have empathy for others, and they appear to have no desire for emotional intimacy. Unrealistic sense of entitlement.
When a narcissistic person doesn't get a constant supply of validation or someone injures their self-esteem, their confident and superior facade can collapse. A narcissistic collapse may happen because others don't see the person like they want to be seen, for example.
Requires excessive admiration. A lack of empathy. Is often envious of others or believes that others are envious of them. Shows arrogance, haughty behaviors or attitudes.
THE BASICS
Grooming a person, manipulating her into doubting her feelings, generating shame regarding her best qualities, and manipulatively creating dependency are four ways a narcissist destroys a person from the inside out.
Daramus lists some reasons why a person with narcissistic tendencies might discard you: You were too difficult for them to control. You were easily manipulated by them, causing them to look down upon you. You no longer fuel their ego, so they've moved on to someone else who can supply what they need.
It occurs when we take aspects of our own identity that we find unacceptable and project them onto someone else. A simple example of this in a narcissistic relationship would be a narcissist devaluing and degrading their partner because they themselves feel inadequate and worthless.
This phase may last for weeks, months, years, or even longer. However, this emotional high never lasts forever, and the effects will inevitably start to wane, destroying the fantastical façade. You may start noticing the red flags only when the love bombing phase starts nearing its end.
To keep their self-esteem from plummeting, they devalue their partner by finding fault with them in order to boost their own. Devaluation is a form of self-protection that allows them to avoid feeling the pain, but it also causes their partner to feel emotionally mistreated in the relationship.
One of the most common early indicators of narcissism is what's known as the love-bombing phase. At the beginning of the relationship, the narcissist will often come on very strong, put you on a pedestal, and make you feel incredibly special.
Devaluation reduces the cost of a country's exports, rendering them more competitive in the global market, which, in turn, increases the cost of imports. If imports are more expensive, domestic consumers are less likely to purchase them, further strengthening domestic businesses.
To be more precise, social devaluation is the root cause of prevalent social stigmas, which marginalizes individuals who share a discreditable attribute as per society's biased beliefs.
The idealization ends.
The narcissist begins to withdraw affection and spends more time with other people or activities away from you. Idealisation becomes hoovering between episodes of narcissistic rage used to reign you back into their drama until they can find your replacement.
The government has decided to devalue its currency. Economic woes forced the government to devalue. He argues that placing too many requirements on schools devalues the education they provide.
Narcissists also gaslight or practice master manipulation, weakening and destabilizing their victims; finally, they utilize positive and negative emotions or moments to trick others. When a narcissist can't control you, they'll likely feel threatened, react with anger, and they might even start threatening you.
A new study describes a single question that appears to be nearly as accurate at identifying narcissists than a commonly used narcissist diagnostic test 40 items long. And that single question is this: “To what extent do you agree with this statement: I am a narcissist.