They make excuses This is one of the most prominent signs that indicates you are a second choice. Your partner or friends give excuses why they can't meet up, visit you or even spend time with you. It is an indication that plans with you can wait while they concentrate on something or someone else.
There are a variety of reasons why we may feel like the second choice. Sometimes, we get jealous when thinking about our partner's past relationships. Other times, we feel competitive when hearing rosy recollections about a loved one's past flames.
Being a second choice means keeping your schedule free just in case. Since you are the backup plan, you never know when they will contact you at the last second. Chances are, they will only pay attention to you when they are bored and lonely.
Signs of Being Treated As an Option
You do everything they want, but your efforts go unappreciated. A lack of respect for your time indicates that you are considered an option. The more you try to fix the situation, the worse it gets until all you do is fight, cry, or both.
If you feel like you're doing too much without receiving anything in return, it's a good indication that you're not your partner's top priority. All of the concern, efforts, sacrifices, kind gestures, and compromises go unnoticed by your partner.
If you are someone's second choice, go elsewhere. Let go of he/she/they and find the person that will put you first. Everyone has a person. Everyone has someone that will call them first, that will appreciate their efforts, that will love them completely.
People therefore tend to select the first option in a set when choosing between generally undesirable options, and will tend to select the last when choosing between generally desirable options (Li & Apley, 2009).
When they say they'll call or text you, do they? Do they always follow up on promises? When they say they're going to get in touch to confirm plans, does it happen? Because if they don't, these are glaring signs that they might be keeping you as an option and not truly interested in you.
You may not be a priority if your partner wants everything on their terms and expects you to do all the effort in your relationship. Tell your partner how they can make you feel like more of a priority, and thank them when they step up for you.
A back-up partner, standby lover, or spare-tyre lover is a person anticipated as a potential future romantic/sexual partner in the event of the failure or unforeseen end of a current relationship.
It could also have something to do with their past relationship trauma and fear of getting hurt again. Making you feel like an option helps them keep their guards up, instead of being vulnerable and intimate with you. It could have something to do with their insecure attachment style.
Some commonplace areas of life that trigger a man's sense of inadequacy include: The inability to satisfy their partner sexually. Confusion in how to be emotionally expressive. Struggle to understand how to respond to a partners' emotional needs.
If you feel stuck between options that don't seem that different, dig a little deeper. Find other people who have tried those options before. Look for reviews online. If you have a friend or colleague who is an expert in their area, have them tell you what questions you should have asked that you haven't already.
Making decisions can be tough, especially when faced with multiple good options. To make the best choice, consider what's most important to you, gather information, weigh the pros and cons, think about alternatives, seek advice, and trust your gut.
According to the study, a back-burner is “a person to whom one is not presently committed, and with whom one maintains some degree of communication in order to keep or establish the possibility of future romantic and/or sexual involvement”.
Being in love with two people may be more common than some think. Studies show that many individuals worldwide identify as polyamorous, meaning they partake in a romantic relationship with or feel attracted to more than one individual at a time.
Your partner encourages you to spend time with friends without them, and to participate in activities that you enjoy. You feel comfortable expressing your opinions and concerns to your partner. Your feel physically safe and your partner doesn't force you to have sex or to do things that make you feel uncomfortable.
Your first and foremost priority in life should be YOU. Not in a selfish and self-centered manner, but with self-compassion and understanding. Prioritizing self-care means investing in activities and habits that nurture the body and mind. For instance, you could start a journal.