Love bombing involves bombarding a person (usually a romantic partner) with attention and affection, such as excessive compliments and gifts. While this may seem like an over-eager person who is newly infatuated, love bombing is a manipulation tactic meant to obtain power and control at the beginning of a relationship.
Because it's so intense and all-consuming, love bombing is exhausting and the “bomber” can only sustain it for about six to 12 weeks, Durvasula says. After that initial period, the gifts, compliments, and trips will dry up quickly.
"Most love bombers are doing it unintentionally, or are at least in denial or rationalizing their behavior," Huynh said. Either way, she added, it often serves a self-centered purpose. It's hard to know how you really feel about this person so soon in a relationship.
Love bombing is a manipulation technique often used by narcissists to overwhelm their victim with romantic gestures designed to make you feel more than simply flattered.
"People who engage in love-bombing are often doing so unconsciously, though they may be aware of the effect their behavior has on others," Behr says. "Someone who love bombs likely experienced a form of this narcissistic abuse in their own childhood, where a parent idealized and devalued them."
In narcissistic relationships, devaluation is the second stage that occurs after the love-bombing ends.
A love bomb refers to when a narcissistic person “bombs” you with an over-the-top amount of affection, flattery, gifts, and praise early in the relationship in order to win over your attention for the purpose of being able to control you.
What Makes Someone Susceptible to Love Bombing? Love bombers tend to be impatient. They often value power and control, and they want things to happen on their terms. Even if people “fall hard” in a new relationship, partners in healthy relationships respect that people need time to feel safe.
Contrary to the popular assumption, not all love-bombing is calculated or intended to be harmful. The behavior ranges from being something that is relatively innocent albeit naïve, to being emotionally devastating or even life-threatening, such as when carried out by leaders of cults.
Ask the bomber to respect your boundaries
So you need to make your boundaries clear with a love bomber — I care for you, but we are moving too fast. And do NOT keep repeating your boundaries. A respectful partner will hear you the first time. A love bomber disrespects everyone's timetable except their own.
What are some signs you are being love bombed? Dating a love bomber isn't going to look the same in every situation, but a few telltale signs of a love-bombing partner are extravagant gifts, obsessive flattery, constant complimentary texting, and always expecting a prompt reply.
“Love bombing often involves compliments, gifts, and lots of attention in the beginning stages. The person will want to be in contact with you all the time, which may seem flattering, but this is often not the case,” he says.
Archer says in his blog post that the best thing you can do is to slow down, take a step back, and remind yourself of your boundaries. If you feel like you're being pressured in any way, you may be the target of a love bomber. So try to avoid getting wrapped up in the moment, and remember to protect yourself.
Love bombing is when you are showered with non-stop gifts, compliments, and attention. This begins a cycle of abuse where the love bomber withholds love and attention to manipulate you. Being showered with love can feel so good! It can be an instant confidence boost to feel so wanted and appreciated by someone.
Love bombing and narcissistic supply
Research shows that love bombers have low self-esteem and are often narcissists; although not all narcissists are love bombers, and some non-narcissists are.
How Long Does Love Bombing Last With A Narcissist? At the start of the relationship, the victim of love bombing is likely to feel like they are under the spell of a highly potent drug. This phase may last for weeks, months, years, or even longer.
Love Bombing as a Narcissistic Attachment Style. Getting hit by a love bomb feels glorious! The lavish attention and affection seems to answer our prayers.
One of the cruelest realities is that an unhealthy relationship often starts out feeling like the most wonderful romance of your entire life. In some cases, that's thanks to love bombing: a pattern of manipulative, often subtle behaviors your partner performs as acts of love.
Narcissists love bombs because they often lack healthy self-esteem. They need constant reassurance and admiration. Narcissists will use love bombing as a way to feel better about themselves. They use love bombing as a way to get you to fall in love with them quickly.
Is love bombing a relationship red flag? Relationship experts consider love bombing to be unhealthy. For many, it's a red flag, as it can make it hard to maintain personal boundaries, and pushes one person to feel dependent or indebted to the other.
Love bombing becomes an effective tool to abusers as they exert coercive control over a partner. This quick acceleration of romance quickly breaks down barriers we put up, it causes us to become attached to our perpetrator, they 'hook' us into the relationship.
There's No Emotional Connection
One of the key signs your relationship is ending is that you are no longer vulnerable and open with your partner. A cornerstone of happy, healthy relationships is that both partners feel comfortable being truly open to sharing thoughts and opinions with one another.