Guilt can play a big role in our resistance to decluttering. “We often feel guilty if we're getting rid of something from someone we love,” says Trager. “It's hard to remind ourselves that a person will still love us, and us them, even if we no longer own this item they gave us.”
In psychology, letting go is more about mentally releasing our attachment to something. Rather than struggling to keep someone in our lives or insisting on a specific outcome, we relinquish that need or craving and instead accept what is or what must transpire.
There's the phenomenon know as the endowment effect, which is this idea that once we have this item or own an item, it's much more difficult for us to let go of that item. We value that item much more highly than we would if we didn't “own” that item. So there's a built-in mechanism that we have to save things.
If you're feeling life is painful at the moment, it's highly advisable that you reach out to a mental health professional, or contact a crisis line and similar resources. Once you've reached out, you may also want to try some of these techniques to help you find relief from your emotional pain.
Hoarding is related to anxiety and depression and can be a way for people feeling those symptoms to cope. If a person has clinically significant hoarding behavior, professional help may be needed.
According to Psychology Today, clutter causes stress in part because of its excessive visual stimuli. It also signals to our brains that our work is never done and creates guilt, anxiety and the feeling of being overwhelmed.
Letting go can sometimes feel a lot like giving up. You may feel that you are betraying the part of yourself that believes you can still make things work. But by dragging out the inevitable until it's tattered and torn, you are only betraying yourself.
Even though letting go can feel scary, and uncertain, it also feels light. You can feel the lightness immediately and other people will recognize it too. They will sense that there is something different about you. It's hard to ignore when someone feels light.
While it may feel impossible and certainly takes time to stop loving someone, it's absolutely possible to do just that. In fact, you may find that in no longer loving this person you open yourself up to the possibility of loving others — and even yourself.
Why does it hurt to be away from the person you love?
Separation, even a temporary absence, from the people you have a deep emotional connection with can cause sorrow because you will no longer be able to enjoy their company. Temporary goodbyes are less sorrowful than longer goodbyes or the emotionally devastating end of life farewells.
