The narcissistic personality is likely to draw their partner into a trauma bond, so letting go of a narcissist can be incredibly challenging. You become so dependent upon their intermittent reinforcement that you cannot seem to cut ties with them.
It could be that you're repeating patterns from your past or are looking for a need—however self-destructive—to be met. If you're always ending up at the same point, there's something in you which is taking you to that point over and over again. You experienced narcissistic abuse as a child.
You might find that once you've broken things off with a person high in narcissism, they begin talking to others about you. While this doesn't happen in every breakup, it's also not uncommon. The person with narcissistic traits might spread rumors about you online or try to paint you as a bad person to mutual friends.
Narcissists hate losing their supply of attention, so they won't let you go easily. Prepare for them to promise "to change." They might suddenly start doing things for you that you'd been complaining about. They may say "you'll be lost without me," or "you'll never find someone like me." Don't listen, Orloff advises.
While people with narcissism aren't devoid of emotions, their motivations may be self-focused. They can know they're hurting your feelings, but as long as it elevates their status, they may not care. Someone living with narcissism does cry. They can feel regret, remorse, and sadness.
After separation, it's common for a person healing from narcissistic abuse to experience complicated grief or complex post-traumatic stress disorder (CPTSD). Unlike a “normal” process of mourning, complicated grief often involves a mix of emotions including anger, guilt, longing, and sadness.
Narcissists hate losing their supply, so they won't let you go easily. Prepare for them to promise "to change." They might suddenly start doing things for you that you'd been complaining about. They may say "you'll be lost without me," or "you'll never find someone like me."
Breakups with narcissists don't always end the relationship. Many won't let you go, even when it's they who left the relationship, and even when they're with a new partner. They won't accept “no.” They hoover in an attempt to rekindle the relationship or stay friends after a breakup or divorce.
Leaving a narcissist is similar to breaking a heroin addiction. It is painful and difficult, but in the end, you get your life back. In order to get yourself through the hardest parts of the initial break, you must allow yourself to experience the discomfort and anxiety, and let yourself grieve your loss.
A narcissistic partner would feel rejected when you break up with them. This can trigger them to seek more attention. They may demand attention from you even after the relationship has ended.
But here is the rub: Over time, the narcissist usually senses that you are pulling away, and it is then that your problems take on a different form. Narcissists hate feeling that they might be rejected or that you might conclude that they are defective. So, they go into compensation mode by turning the tables.
Although narcissists act superior to others and posture as beyond reproach, underneath their grandiose exteriors lurk their deepest fears: That they are flawed, illegitimate, and ordinary.
It comes hand-in-hand with this that narcissists hate being criticised or called out. Which is exactly why there's one word in particular narcissistic people cannot stand: "no".
Rejection
Rejection causes major narcissistic injury and is one of the top 10 things narcissists fear the most. They can't handle it, even if it's a tiny slight. Remember, they have a sense of entitlement and pride themselves on being the ones who reject and discard their victims.
They will often deploy a variety of narcissistic relationship patterns such as manipulation, charismatic, and exploitational tactics in order to ensure that their own needs and wants are met. As a spouse, you may be the subject of their manipulation and abuse, while your partner treats everyone else positively.
They like people who are strong
In fact, narcissists prefer to target someone who is strong-willed, and who has talents or characteristics they admire, because they believe it makes them shine too.
Trauma bonding occurs when a narcissist repeats a cycle of abuse with another person which fuels a need for validation and love from the person being abused.
Type As can also be dangerous to narcissists
Although they can be targeted, type A people can also become a narcissist's worst nightmare. One of the most important defenses against dark personalities is having strong boundaries yourself, and type A people are usually aware they have the right to build them.
Remain calm and unaffected.
Cut a conversation with a narcissistic co-worker short and excuse yourself to work on something else. Give your narcissistic partner absolutely no reaction when they try to push your buttons. Stay on topic if you're having a conversation with a manipulative, narcissistic parent.