One of the most anxiety-producing things about going to funerals is having to pay condolences to the family. For many people, this can be awkward because they simply don't know what to say in these situations.
Concentrate on your breathing to help you calm down.
Take deep, slow breaths through your nose if you feel yourself getting emotional. This will help you calm down and give you something concrete to focus on. You can even count your breaths if you want to really distract yourself from any sad feelings.
Avoid platitudes that can perceived as insensitive, like "He's in a better place," and "The pain will lessen in time." Don't ask how the person died, or tell the bereaved you know how they feel.
Seeing a flood of sad faces can make the bereaved feel more overwhelmed, but seeing a smile can ease some of that tension. A smile is also not in any way disruptive. Smiling during a eulogy isn't going to upset anyone, nor would it draw any unwanted attention to you. So, if something makes you smile, don't repress it.
You may feel anxious about being surrounded by sadness and mourning on the day and worry how you'll cope. Or you may be concerned about feeling awkward around other people's sadness and not knowing how to react to them.
Digestive problems and weight changes are common physical symptoms of grief. Often connected with the disruption to normal eating habits or routines, bereavement can cause temporary digestive problems such as constipation, diarrhea, stomach pain, a "hollow feeling" in the stomach, queasiness, or feeling nauseated.
It's not mandatory to view the body, but you can stop and say a silent prayer if you wish. After passing the casket, approach the family and introduce yourself if necessary. Say a few kind words about the deceased, shake their hands, give them hugs, offer a warm smile – any small gesture will be appropriate.
There are many reasons why someone might not cry when someone dies. For some, it's simply a matter of personality. They may tend to bottle up their emotions and not express them outwardly. Others may have experienced so much loss in their lives that they've become numb to it.
Attending or not attending a funeral is a highly personal decision; it's not like you've come to your decision lightly. You've thought about it for a long time. If you really don't want to go to the funeral, you can still support the family.
It is customary to show your respects by viewing the deceased if the body is present and the casket is open. You may wish to say a silent prayer for, or meditate about, the deceased at this time. In some cases the family may escort you to the casket. The length of your visit at the wake is a matter of discretion.
There is no hard and fast rule as to who should give the eulogy speech at a funeral. It's typically given by those who were particularly close, or had a special relationship with, the loved one who passed.
There is no shame in being emotional at a funeral, people won't remember that you were upset, they will remember that you had the strength and courage to come forward and share beautiful memories of your loved ones life.
Funerals have a vitally important part to play in saying goodbye and paying our respects to someone. They are also emotional times. Many of us dread the funeral as the last time accepted time we have permission to show emotion.
You can demonstrate your love, attention, and support to a grieving person in a number of ways. While just your presence can be enough, still a kind word, a compassionate touch, or a loving hug can mean much to show the bereaved that you care about and support them.
Funerals are emotional events and if there is family conflict, estranged relationships, or other reasons that can make the occasion uncomfortable, then the better personal choice may be to not attend.
Considering you're there to honor someone who passed away, funerals should also be a no-phone zone. "Talking or being on your phone during the service is one of the most disrespectful things you could do at a funeral," says Myka Meier, Beaumont Etiquette founder and etiquette expert.