Pay attention to what the person is saying and particularly to what he / she seems to be feeling. Notice non-verbal cues such as tone of voice, facial expression, and body posture. Listen closely to the person and his / her concerns. Listen and show that you are listening and showing genuine interest.
Remember, setting boundaries upfront and communicating how you feel about this to the other person can help you resolve this issue. Always try to protect yourself from toxic empathy by remembering to set boundaries and not allow other people's problems to trample your path to inner peace.
Some people, known as dark empaths, understand the feelings of others but don't feel these feelings themselves. They might act like they care, but deep down, they don't feel sympathy for you or have a desire to help. They use their understanding of your feelings to manipulate you.
Or have you ever felt guilty or blamed for how someone else is feeling sometimes? If you have, you're not alone. This is a common occurrence in unhealthy relationships or “codependent” relationships. But here's the thing: you are not responsible for other people's feelings, just like they are not responsible for yours.
Emotional contagion is a form of social contagion that involves the spontaneous spread of emotions and related behaviors. Such emotional convergence can happen from one person to another, or in a larger group.
Feeling you are responsible for other people's feelings, happiness, or needs can be exhausting and makes you vulnerable to being exploited. Experiencing childhood emotional neglect directs your attention away from yourself and toward others, a set-up for being overly responsible.
“When someone invalidates your experiences, they dismiss, deny, or reject your thoughts and feelings, and often, this can leave you feeling undervalued, and ignored,” says Rachel Vora, psychotherapist and founder of CYP Wellbeing.
Heyoka empath
“Heyoka” means “sacred clown” or “spiritual fool” in the Lakota and Dakota Native American dialects. Heyoka empaths are said to be the rarest and most powerful variety, acting as a spiritual mirror to those around them to assist their growth.
"But unfortunately empaths are attracted to narcissists, because at first this is about a false self. Narcissists present a false self, where they can seem charming and intelligent, and even giving, until you don't do things their way, and then they get cold, withholding and punishing."
A dark empath is a term that describes someone who exploits their ability to understand how other people think and feel. They can recognize another person's perspective while also showing signs of psychopathy, narcissism and Machiavellianism.
Fear can block empathy. This is a natural survival mechanism that requires intentional work to overcome. Most of us need to feel safe before we can do the work of attempting to deeply understand another's experience beyond seeing that they want to harm us. Hurt and anger can also block empathy.
Interestingly, over-empathising with others can stem from not being able to empathise or show compassion to yourself. It relates back to codependency. In an effort to feel valuable, we over-empathise with others.
Origins of toxic guilt
A working theory on the origins of an inflated sense of responsibility and false guilt is the establishment of inappropriate expectations and impossible standards during childhood.
Low self esteem (e.g. feeling yourself to be incapable or deficient in some way when things go wrong, and therefore extrapolating this as a 'general rule') Depression (e.g. thinking you're responsible for all failures, therefore you're a failure)
You might feel guilty because you hold yourself to unrealistically high standards. This can result in guilty thoughts about what you haven't done, or haven't done well enough, even if they're not your responsibility. At the same time, you completely overlook what you have done well.