For example, instead of accepting responsibility and saying, “I'm sorry I offended you”, people blame-shift by saying something like: “I'm sorry it offended you.” (“My action offended you, not me.”) “I'm sorry you got offended.” (“You shouldn't have been offended.”)
To be truly sorry means feeling regret or sorrow over an unfortunate situation and your role in it. But in unhealthy relationships, people often say, “I'm sorry” not to express genuine regret; instead, they use it to manipulate their significant other.
It's a way to emotionally abuse another person and victim-blame them for basically having feelings. This type of fake apology makes the receiver feel like their emotions aren't valid and that they're the one with a problem.
Empathize with the patient and family without admitting liability. Statements such as “I am sorry that this happened,” or “I am sorry that you are in such pain” capture regret in a blame-free manner. Describe the event and medical response in brief, factual terms.
In narcissists' efforts to avoid blame, they often combine several fake apologies at once, such as, “I am sorry if I said anything to offend you, but I have strong opinions. Maybe you're too sensitive,” or, “I guess I should tell you I am sorry. But you know I would never deliberately hurt you.
A gaslight apology is an apology given that often appears sincere but the person is actually not taking any responsibility for what they have caused.
Im sorry, Im sorry, Im sorry. This is a passive-aggressive apology done to silence the other person and move onto a different topic. It minimizes what the other person has experienced.
A genuine apology shows that you feel sorry for your actions and want to do better. It also gives the other person a chance to process their own feelings. You've taken the first step to fix the damage.
1. They add "but" at the end of their apology as a way to avoid taking responsibility for the topic of conflict e.g. "sorry but you made me do it." 2. They dismiss your emotions surrounding the topic e.g. "sorry, you're taking it all wrong."
The Empty Apology.
It's what you say to someone when you know you need to apologize, but are so annoyed or frustrated that you can't muster even a modicum of real feeling to put behind it.
The defensive apology
This one takes a bit of finesse and sleight-of-hand to pull off and it may actually work in the moment; it usually includes more than a little blame-shifting too. Yes, the words “I'm sorry” are included in this one; it's the construction of the apology you have to pay attention to.
But repetitive, nearly constant apologies for every little thing—or, what Psychologist Paige Carambio, PsyD calls, “apologizing for existing”—can actually be an after-effect of trauma, a self-preservation technique survivors may think they still need to utilize in order to protect themselves.
But apologies are too often used as a quick fix for our uneasiness. When we focus more on our own discomfort than on the distress of the other person, our apology is selfish, and selfish apologies are usually ineffective.
Apology is reconciliation, not submission.
Many people think they're apologizing when they're coming off as appeasing or patronizing or dismissive. Effective apology can make relationships more resilient; resiliency is a predictor of long-term relationship satisfaction.
Key points. Gaslighting is psychological abuse through verbal, written, and/or physical actions that cause the recipient to question their reality. A non-apology is used to deflect, pretend to apologize, and ultimately win the disagreement by placing blame back on the individual.
They do apologize—but those apologies are conditional.
He's simply manipulating you into feeling seen by acknowledging your feelings. Gaslighters will only apologize if they are trying to get something out of you.