How do you set boundaries with manipulative people?
One simple tactic you can use is to simply say, “I think you are deflecting things away from the issue I'm bringing up right now. I feel strongly that there is something here that we need to look at and I'm not willing to just sweep it under the carpet or take the blame.”
Postpone your answer. Don't give them an answer on the spot. ...
Question their motivations. Manipulators often hide their real motivations because they don't like to take responsibility for their own actions and behaviors. ...
The manipulator may feel stress and anxiety from having to constantly “cover” themselves, for fear of being found out and exposed. The manipulator may experience quiet but persistent moral crises and ethical conflicts, and may have a difficult time living with themselves.
In some cases, ignoring a manipulator may cause them to lose interest in their target. Since manipulators typically seek control and validation, a lack of response might make them feel insignificant and prompt them to move on to someone more susceptible to their tactics.
For example, if you feel rushed in responding to the person, remember that you don't have to answer right away. Take some moments to think it over so you don't make a decision quickly, even if they want you to. ...
You can also try grounding techniques to help you stay rational while you're feeling emotional.
What happens when you set boundaries with a manipulator?
You may be intimidated by their anger or withdrawal and worry that if you withdraw or act firm, you will push them farther away. However, this is not the case. Withdrawing or setting a boundary will make them feel safer and less anxious or will put them in their place in a healthy way.
One of the most common ways of characterizing patients diagnosed with borderline personality disorder is that they are manipulative. Clinical usage of the term varies widely but clearly carries a pejorative meaning.
The silent treatment, or stonewalling, is a passive-aggressive form of manipulation and can be considered emotional abuse. It is a way to control another person by withholding communication, refusing to talk, or ignoring the person.
Manipulators often play the victim role ("woe is me") by portraying themselves as victims of circumstances or someone else's behavior in order to gain pity or sympathy or to evoke compassion and thereby get something from someone.
Some research shows that people who have the ability to be emotionally manipulative, have high levels of emotional intelligence, which can be seen as a positive asset to the workplace. Emotional manipulation is defined as the act of influencing another person's feelings and behaviours for one's own interest.
Psychologists say the root cause of manipulative behavior can often be toxic cycles of violence, narcissism, or unhealthy relationships in the manipulator's own childhood. Manipulation can happen in any relational context, Balestrieri says, including family, friends, professional, romantic, or sexual relationships.
Manipulators love to control people and situations. They feel compelled to take control. Overtly and covertly, they will do whatever they can to dictate your actions, thoughts and feelings. They gamble with your emotions and try to make you think that you might be the one who is “over-reacting.”
Manipulative movements such as throwing, catching, kicking, trapping, striking, volleying, bouncing, and ball rolling are considered to be fundamental manipulative skills.
Manipulation is when a person uses controlling and harmful behaviors to avoid responsibility, conceal their true intentions, or cause doubt and confusion. Manipulation tactics, such as gaslighting, lying, blaming, criticizing, and shaming, can be incredibly damaging to a person's psychological well-being.
“When you are being manipulated by someone you are being psychologically coerced into doing something you probably don't really want to do,” she says. You might feel scared to do it, obligated to do it, or guilty about not doing it.
