It may be that you're crushing on a specific type of unattainable partner—maybe you're crushing on “dad types” or the husbands of your friends—and while it's not so much that you find the guys attractive, perhaps you really dig the idea of motherhood and wish for a partner who would be the kind of dad these guys seem ...
Be kind to yourself.
Remind yourself that crushes come and go, and many don't turn into anything more. Give yourself time to process your feelings while focusing on yourself, your hobbies, and things that bring you joy.
The reason you can't get over your crush is that you have accidentally trained yourself into a mental habit of constantly seeking them. The excitement and euphoria of that initial romantic connection makes them the central focus of your life, and because it feels so intoxicating and good, you don't resist.
Neuroscience Behind Attraction
When we experience attraction or develop a crush, chemicals are released in the brain creating a stress and reward response. The first spark of attraction happens in the ventral tegmental area of the brain which produces the “feel good” neurotransmitter known as dopamine.
“When you're in love or you have a crush, you'll still get your dopamine reward for that, even if your feelings are not reciprocated.” It's this process that seems to account for our slightly obsessive behavior when we have a crush — think Cameron in Ten Things I Hate About You — because thinking of an unintended brief ...
You could be suffering from Limerence — a cognitive state of obsession and infatuation. You may be fixated with having your feelings reciprocated. You refuse to give up because you know it's meant to be.
The brain chemicals associated with crushes can wreak havoc (or pure bliss, depending on your point of view) on a person for up to two years. If a powerful crush lasts longer than two years, it may actually be what psychologists call limerence.
You keep falling in love with people who don't love you back because you are afraid to receive love. You're fearful of receiving love because some part of you believes you're undeserving. Some part of you thinks life must be hard. You're avoiding the self-work that you need to do.
Unrequited love may take a few different forms, including: Loving someone who does not return those feelings. Pining for someone who is not available. Mutual attraction between people who are both in other relationships.
So why can't we let go of people who continually reject us? According to Helen Fisher and her colleagues, the reason romantic rejection gets us hooked is that this sort of rejection stimulates parts of the brain associated with motivation, reward, addiction, and cravings.
In some cases, frequent thoughts about a crush may happen alongside low self-esteem, especially if the person we're thinking about has rejected us or if we feel like we need this person's attention in order to feel valued. And research has demonstrated the effectiveness of online therapy for low self-esteem.
It can feel like the more someone pulls away, the more you end up wanting them. This is partly due to our vanity and self-esteem, and partly due to our warped sense of their value. In reality, their perceived value is all in your head, and you're better off pursuing people who actually respect you enough to be honest.
All of those questioned were aged 18 or over, with the average age of respondents levelling out at 37. Initially, respondents were asked to reveal how many crushes they had experienced in their lifetime so far, to which the average answer was a whopping 17.
Tennov suggests that limerence can last a few weeks to several decades, the average ranging from 18 months to three years. The length can depend on whether feelings are reciprocated, which can make limerence linger.
So, yes, a crush can last for years, 7 or even lesser. One key factor determining how long does it take for a crush to fade is what's stirring up the attraction and infatuation. If you're attracted to someone solely based on physical attributes such as looks or passion in bed, the crush can fade away quickly.
Having a crush that doesn't work out can feel like getting your hopes up for nothing. You may be experiencing sadness, depression, stress, or another mental health concern.
The experience of having a crush can begin as early as preschool, and crushes can continue to occur throughout one's life. Usually crushes are one-way, though sometimes they are reciprocated.
Researchers have scanned the brains of people who are madly in love and found a heavy surge of dopamine, a neurotransmitter in the brain's reward system that helps people feel pleasure. Dopamine, along with other chemicals, gives us that energy, focus, and obsession we feel when we're wild about someone.
Another way to figure out if it is a crush or an obsession is to think about a life without that specific person. People with crushes will often be able to “bounce back” after, but people with obsessions will feel as if they can not live without that person in their grasp.”
Being love-struck also releases high levels of dopamine, a chemical that “gets the reward system going,” said Olds. Dopamine activates the reward circuit, helping to make love a pleasurable experience similar to the euphoria associated with use of cocaine or alcohol.