They turn the story around to make it seem like you are at fault, deflecting attention and blame away from them to make you feel guilty. This type of emotional manipulation is called gaslighting. [clickToTweet tweet=”“Am I going crazy? Am I being too sensitive?
Blame-shifting is an emotionally abusive behavior or tactic. These are some definitions or descriptions of blame-shifting: abusers have difficulty taking responsibility for problems. They go as far as necessary to attribute blame for their circumstances to anyone else, even if it may sound somewhat conspiratorial.
If your partner is blaming you for everything, it means that they are unhappy with the relationship. Rather than talking through the problems in your marriage, they look out for a way to blame you for everything. Now is the time when you really would want to do something about it.
What does it mean to stonewall someone? In simple terms, stonewalling is when someone completely shuts down in a conversation or is refusing to communicate with another person.
Projection refers to attributing one's shortcomings, mistakes, and misfortunes to others in order to protect one's ego. Blaming others (i.e. projection) is more common in those who are experiencing negative feelings and are unable to regulate their emotions.
Emotional abuse is a form of manipulation that involves controlling another person's emotions. It can take various forms, including blaming, shaming, embarrassing, criticizing, or isolating the victim.
Here are some examples of blame-shifting phrases so you can be on the lookout for this tactic from the narcissist: “If you wouldn't have said that then I wouldn't have called you names!” “If you weren't always nagging me then I wouldn't have cheated on you!” “You always do that!”
Emotional abuse involves controlling another person by using emotions to criticize, embarrass, shame, blame, or otherwise manipulate them.
Remain calm and neutral. Avoid becoming defensive, accusatory, or critical in response to deflection. Gently redirect the conversation back to the original topic, using open-ended questions to encourage the person to share their thoughts and feelings. Validate the person's feelings.
“An option is to not engage in the blame shift,” says Ferris. Keep the conversation on topic and try not to respond to their deflection. “Let the person finish, then redirect back to your complaint, even acknowledging that you want to hear what they have to say after you can talk about what you brought up.”
If someone is intentionally distorting reality to make you feel like what you're seeing or feeling isn't real, you could be a victim of gaslighting. Gaslighting can come from a romantic partner, a boss, a family member, a doctor or anyone else in a position of power.
Examples include intimidation, coercion, ridiculing, harassment, treating an adult like a child, isolating an adult from family, friends, or regular activity, use of silence to control behavior, and yelling or swearing which results in mental distress. Signs of emotional abuse.
Insults and name-calling are common emotional abuse tactics. Abusive people can make nasty comments or use hurtful nicknames. When this behavior is confronted, the abuser often insists that they were being sarcastic or just making jokes. They may even belittle you for being so sensitive and taking offense.
People with narcissistic personality disorder are extremely resistant to changing their behavior, even when it's causing them problems. Their tendency is to turn the blame on to others.
Deflection and narcissism
The main difference between deflection as a self-defence mechanism and deflection as a manipulation technique is that narcissists lack empathy and, when they deflect the blame to the person who accused them in the first place, they try to increase their control over them.
Deflection is the act of blaming another person for your own mistakes or shortcomings rather than accepting the blame or criticism yourself. This type of defensiveness as a coping skill is commonly used to divert the focus or blame away from ourselves.