They go out of their way to spend time with you.
So they often try to keep people at a distance for as long as they can out of reluctance to take things to a deeper level. This being said, if your avoidant partner prioritizes you and goes out of their way to spend time with you, they're likely in love.
They are ready for intimacy.
Avoidants fear intimacy. Exposing their bodies and souls to criticism and rejection is a constant fear. So if your love-avoidant partner has indicated that they want a more intimate relationship, understand this is the ultimate sign that they love you.
You will fall in love when your avoidant heart learns that it's okay to be close to someone. You will fall in love not day one, day two, but when your limiting beliefs about relationships are challenged by a caring soul.
Fearful avoidants both want and fear intimacy. So they seek closeness. But once they do, their fear of intimacy and attachment kicks in and they suddenly feel the need to escape, and this is when they need you to chase them.
Because people with an avoidant attachment style fear not being lovable or good enough, feeling criticized or judged by loved ones can be particularly painful. Especially when it comes to things that they are not so comfortable with, such as their emotions and feelings.
The insecure anxious partner and insecure avoidant partner will be attracted to the securely attached partner because the insecure partners really desire and instinctively seek a reliable, consistent, caring and dependable partner.
A fearful avoidant during no contact acts slightly differently from other attachment styles. Going no contact with them can become extremely distracting and often requires a lot of discipline. The fearful-avoidant does not express remorse or sadness over heartbreak in the initial weeks of the breakup.
They may initially run towards their caregiver but then seem to change their mind and either run away or act out. A child with a fearful avoidant attachment often desires comfort and closeness with their caregiver, but once close, they act fearful and untrusting.
Communicating with empathy, using “I” statements, and avoiding blaming and criticism are some of the ways to help avoidant partners feel safe enough to express their thoughts and feelings, as well as change their behaviors in time. “The most important thing in communication is to hear what isn't being said.”
Love Avoidants recognize and are attracted to the Love Addict's strong fear of being left because Love Avoidants know that all they have to do to trigger their partner's fear is threaten to leave.
Give them space when they pull away.
Avoidants need lots of space to feel comfortable in a relationship. Since they're afraid of commitment, spending too much time with them will make them feel smothered. When they start to grow distant, respect their need for time apart, even though it might be hard.
Can a Fearful-Avoidant Fall in Love? The answer is yes; fearful-avoidants have the capacity to love, just like anyone else. However, their attachment style may influence the way they express and experience love in their relationships.
Individuals with fearful avoidant attachment are a combination of the preoccupied and dismissive-avoidant styles of insecure attachment. They believe they are unlovable and also don't trust other people to support and accept them. Because they think others will eventually reject them, they withdraw from relationships.
Pushing for alone time and hanging out too frequently will scare off a fearful avoidant. They value their own freedom very much, and they're drawn to partners who can be equally independent.
Simply put: an ex with an anxious attachment and fearful avoidants test you to see if you're still interested in them, still have feelings, miss them or want them back them, a dismissive avoidant ex tests you to see if they're still interested in you, still have feelings for you, miss you or want you back.
Since avoidants can be fearful of being emotionally ambushed or abandoned, a great way to get them to pursue you is to prove your reliability. What this means is, if you say you'll do something, be sure to do it. Be punctual, be transparent, and be there for them in a difficult moment.
The avoidant attachment style (a.k.a. fear of commitment) usually arises from past emotional experiences. No one is born an avoidant; people learn to behave towards other people in such a way. Fear of commitment arises from the relationships with the main caregivers (such as parents).
Some researchers believe that there may be a link between fearful avoidant attachment and trauma. Traumatic experiences can cause people to become distrustful of others and to believe that they are not worth trusting. This can lead to a fearful avoidant attachment style.
On the other hand, the researchers found people with avoidant or anxious attachment styles tended to include fewer elements of a good apology or were less consistent in how they apologized. A good apology, however, requires a level of emotional investment that people with an avoidant attachment style find challenging.