A narcissist communicator allows little or no space for others. They dominate and hoard conversation time by focusing primarily on what they want to talk about (holding court), while paying little or no interest to other people's thoughts, feelings, and priorities.
A conversational narcissist will do their best to limit the discussion to topics where they are knowledgeable and can take up the most airtime. If the conversation strays to other subject matter, Durvasula says, they tend to disengage incredibly quickly and visibly.
Similar to their self-worth, the Narcissist's mood is seemingly dictated by outside forces. Talking to a narcissist can feel like walking on eggshells, one step out of place and suddenly, “well that's just great, you've ruined my day.”
They demand respect, and give none in return. For a narcissist, their needs must always be put first, and they will never reciprocate those feelings for anyone else. The world revolves around them, and everyone who happens to be part of that world should go along with it.
“To what extent do you agree with this statement: 'I am a narcissist.'” Scientists believe that this question could be all researchers need to make a quick and easy diagnosis of narcissism.
Grandiose sense of self-importance
Grandiosity is the defining characteristic of narcissism. More than just arrogance or vanity, grandiosity is an unrealistic sense of superiority. Narcissists believe they are unique or “special” and can only be understood by other special people.
They have a sense of entitlement and expect favorable treatment. They take advantage of others to achieve their goals. They lack empathy and don't try to identify with the needs of others. They envy others or believe others envy them.
The best way to shut down a narcissist is to walk away from them. If all else fails, you can physically remove yourself from the conversation. Even if they keep talking, simply turn around and walk away. If they follow you, close the door.
Narcissists love using heightened, emotional language when text messaging with others. It's a way they can hook you into their drama and keep you responding to them. You may notice that they often send these texts after moments of disconnection (like after an argument or after you two have spent some time apart).
In this case, you might expect examples of narcissist text messages such as “I'm in the hospital, but I'm ok now,” “I can't feel my arm, but I don't think I should worry, should I?”, “I've had some bad news, but there's nothing you can do about it.”
Deep down, the narcissist views themself as flawed and unlovable. So if you love them, they view you as imperfect, making you the target of their punishment. Their self-hatred and shame transfer onto you. They choose you because you are more easily manipulated or accommodating to their needs.
It comes hand-in-hand with this that narcissists hate being criticised or called out. Which is exactly why there's one word in particular narcissistic people cannot stand: "no".
Signs of Narcissist Gaslighting
They may try to make you feel like you're overreacting or being too sensitive by saying things like, “You're being paranoid,” or “You're imagining things.” They might also try to control what you do and who you see by trying to isolate you from your friends and family.
Although narcissists act superior, entitled and boastful, underneath their larger-than-life facade lies their greatest fear: That they are ordinary. For narcissists, attention is like oxygen. Narcissists believe only special people get attention.
The most official of the narcissism tests, the Narcissistic Personality Inventory (NPI), is commonly used to determine if someone displays narcissistic behaviors.
Understanding this dynamic can help emotionally intelligent people spot narcissistic tendencies before investing in a relationship. There are four phases of narcissistic manipulation: attraction, feeling small, sabotage, and countering manipulation with kindness.
Many narcissists are obsessive-compulsive as well. They conduct daily "rituals", they are overly punctilious, they do things in a certain order, and adhere to numerous "laws", "principles", and "rules". They have rigid and oft-repeated opinions, uncompromising rules of conduct, unalterable views and judgments.
They will often deploy a variety of narcissistic relationship patterns such as manipulation, charismatic, and exploitational tactics in order to ensure that their own needs and wants are met. As a spouse, you may be the subject of their manipulation and abuse, while your partner treats everyone else positively.
Narcissistic gaslighting examples of this tactic include suggesting you're “confused,” “mixed up” or “misremembering.” Alternatively, they may take the opposite approach, saying something like, “I have no memory of that” or, “I don't know what you're talking about.”