Being able to share needs and desires openly is extremely important when dating someone with autism. This can either be verbally during a conversation or in writing by giving them a heartfelt letter. Don't hint at what you want and expect for them to pick up on it.
It is helpful to your partner if your communication is clear, calm and predictable. The person with ASD will usually want to meet their partner's needs once s/he understands how to meet those needs. Explicitly communicating your social, emotional, mental, physical, including sexual needs, is important.
Ways to Build Relationships and Rapport
Learn about their favorite interests, games or hobbies and try to find common ones. Be aware of the tendency by autistic people to speak at length about their favorite topics which may require some gentle prompting or redirection. Sustaining conversation can also be challenging.
Unique shows of affection
People with autism may show their love by: sharing their special interest. allowing someone into their space. using alternative forms of communication.
Some may find it challenging to express love verbally or through typical social cues, but they can still demonstrate affection and care through their actions, interests, and consistent support. That said, autism is a spectrum, and each individual's experience and expression of love may vary.
Create A Structured Environment
Children with autism feel much more comfortable and connected when they have a set routine with clear structures, and minimal alterations from their predicted schedule.
Many autistic people experience hypersensitivity to bright lights or certain light wavelengths (e.g., LED or fluorescent lights). Certain sounds, smells, textures and tastes can also be overwhelming. This can result in sensory avoidance – trying to get away from stimuli that most people can easily tune out.
Many people in the autism community also prefer identity-first language. They view autism as a central and important part of their identity and take pride in it.
Although some people on the autism spectrum enjoy fulfilling relationships, there are others for whom emotional attachment can be difficult and this may affect intimate relationships, family relationships and friendships.
Many people with autism crave intimacy and love. But, they don't know how to achieve it in a romantic relationship. They can feel blind to everyday subtle social cues from their partner. This can cause conflict and hurt feelings.
Some autistic people might like more 'obvious' forms of flirting like grand gestures, crafting things for someone or writing letters.
It's always a learning curve in the beginning. And there are always challenges and benefits to each person you date. For instance, autistic people tend to be particularly honest, reliable, and loyal — some of the most important traits for a long-term relationship.
Catching emotions
I have disagreed with the notion—that we lack empathy—for as long as I have been diagnosed. I have struggled with “catching” other people's emotions my whole life. I and many other autistics described experiencing emotional pain in connection with any distressing emotion.
Although your son's reaction sounds more severe than most, many people with autism struggle with a range of fears, phobias and worries. These can range from a debilitating fear of, say, spiders or the dark to chronic anxiety about making mistakes or being late.
Some autistic people can experience difficulties making themselves understood, understanding what's being said to them, and understanding facial expressions and body language. This can cause considerable frustration and anxiety which may result in anger or distressed behaviour.
Many autistic people have intense and highly-focused interests, often from a fairly young age. These can change over time or be lifelong. It can be art, music, gardening, animals, postcodes or numbers. For many younger children it's Thomas the Tank Engine, dinosaurs or particular cartoon characters.
An autistic person will feel emotions and will want to communicate emotions to those around them. However, it is not uncommon to encounter difficulties in expressing oneself. Indeed, people with autism spectrum disorder will encounter certain obstacles in recognizing various facial expressions.
Essentially, autistic stimming helps one cope with feeling anxious, bored, or excited. Stimming is a common activity even in non-autistic individuals. Hair twirling, nail-biting, toe-tapping, and knuckle-cracking are all common stimming examples.
The truth is, just as with neurotypical people, each person on the spectrum is a unique individual, with very different preferences, needs, routines, and behaviors. If you are dating someone with autism, it is important to be open to learning about the unique person you are dating.
It may take several attempts before an autistic partner becomes comfortable with what is involved. Talking helps, but so do things like having clean bed linens prepared for after sex. Additionally, having a partner pleasure them orally can be exciting for a person.