Keep the letter short and straightforward, while still emphasising your sympathy. Remind the bereaved of your support and, if possible, in what ways you are available to them. Be honest and state the reasons for not attending the funeral. Try to schedule some time with the family or friend in the future.
Express how you feel bad that you can't attend the funeral
“I feel bad that I can't physically be there with you to help you through this incredibly difficult time. I know how much (the person that died) meant to you. I imagine saying goodbye to this person at the funeral is going to be sad and painful for you.
Valid Reasons to Not Go to a Funeral
Some reasons to not go to a funeral include: You want to go, but the service is private. The service is out of town and travel would be difficult. You are sick or have a chronic condition that would make it difficult, impossible, or highly uncomfortable to attend.
Dear [Manager], I am writing to formally request bereavement leave. My grandfather, John Smith, passed away last night in [location]. I am requesting bereavement leave to return to [location] and make funeral arrangements beginning October 1 through October 9.
Compassionate And Bereavement Leave
Provide care or support when someone in the employee's immediate family or household is suffering from a life-threatening illness or injury; Deal with the death of an immediate family or household member or the stillbirth of a child (e.g. plan or attend a funeral)
Depending on your relationship with your managers, this may seem challenging, or awkward, but it's very important. “Tell your immediate boss right away,” Klebanoff says, explaining that, while you don't need to alert every single person you work for or with, “there's someone you report into and that person should know.
Formulate a gracious, honest decline for your RSVP's; e.g.“Thank you for your kind invitation, but I'm finding I don't have the spirit or energy for festive gatherings this season; I think it's best for me to lay low. I hope you understand…”
You don't need to get personal with your condolences, just let the other person know you recognize they are going through a difficult time. A few words you can say include: "I was so sorry to learn about your loss." "I'll be thinking of you today."
Likewise, it is totally acceptable to attend the funeral service but not the reception. If you have to miss the function, try to say a quick goodbye to the family after the service and let them know you are unable to join them afterwards.
If you don't know them very well, a simple 'I'm sorry for your loss' is fine, although it is often better if you can say something about the person who has died, for example 'I'm so sorry that you've lost your Dad (his name), he was a lovely man and I know we'll miss him very much.
The funeral is really for the living. If you didn't like the deceased, but the survivors who were close to the deceased are friends or loved ones, then for sure you would go to the funeral. The purpose, in my opinion, is to offer support to the grieving.
At a service with an open casket, it's customary to show your respect by viewing the deceased and, if you wish, spending a few moments in silent prayer. The family may escort you to the casket, or you might approach on your own.
"If it's a very close friend, even if you have to move Heaven and Earth, you should go," etiquette expert and founder of The Protocol School of Texas Diane Gottsman told Life Hacker. "People remember the way you handle weddings and funerals specifically. They will always remember who showed up and and who didn't."
Polite ways to decline an invitation
I am honored; however, I will not be able to attend because I have another engagement that day. Sorry, I will not be able to attend because I am occupied on that day. I appreciate your invitation, but unfortunately, I have a family meeting that will prevent me from attending.
Keep your response simple and clear. Often all that's required is something like this: 'Thank you for thinking of me, but I can't make it I'm sorry. ' Most people won't ask any further questions – and if they do, you can consider how to respond then.
Saying things like “She is in a better place” or “He's better off” can be offensive. For a person grieving, the better place for a loved one is here, not on the Other Side. Telling someone a loved one is better off dead will most likely be taken as a cold and callous comment.
It's common for the grief process to take a year or longer. A grieving person must resolve the emotional and life changes that come with the death of a loved one. The pain may become less intense, but it's normal to feel emotionally involved with the deceased for many years.
“Hi, [Name]. I just wanted to let you know that my [family member] has passed away and I am going to be requesting bereavement leave. Can you let me know what I need to do to get that leave approved?”
Tell or email your boss that a family member passed away.
For instance, you can say something like: “I just wanted to reach out and let you know that my uncle recently passed away, and I'll need 3-5 days off to be with my family and attend the funeral.”
The letter should comprise a summary of your bereavement condition, your request for bereavement leave, and the date you planned to come back to work. Some companies may need proof in order to give paid leave, so be sure to make known yourself with company policies on diverse kinds of leave.
Flowers, sympathy cards, custom keepsakes, and donations are all appropriate gifts to bring to a funeral. While a gift is certainly not required, it can be a thoughtful way to communicate your love for those grieving. Flower and plant arrangements can often be sent to the funeral home prior to the service.