Along with high emotions - the borderline partner's fear of abandonment may be triggered and they may try harder to hold onto the relationship - or possibly they won't be able to cope and will seek retribution.
If they tell you that having less contact with you than when you were previously in a relationship is causing them pain, then it may be best to go no contact. On occasion, a BP might actually initiate no contact. If that happens, accept that this is what they have deemed this necessary for their healing.
Cyclical Nature of BPD Abandonment
The fear of being abandoned often causes people with BPD to form unhealthy attachments. Sometimes, they may abruptly cut off these relationships, effectively abandoning their partners. Other times, they make frantic attempts to hold onto relationships.
Sometimes people with BPD return after no contact, but it's important to remember that this doesn't mean the relationship will automatically work out. The best way to rebuild a relationship with your BPD ex is by starting fresh and focusing on your own needs.
People with BPD may be sensitive to rejection and abandonment and are prone to splitting, rage, and impulsivity. If a person with BPD feels rejected or abandoned, they may end the relationship. However, this is usually followed by significant anxiety and regret and efforts to get back together.
Although BPD personalities initiate a break-up as a way of seeking validation, because of the intense anxiety at play, they'll often express intense regret because of their abandonment wounding, especially if they're not met with the response they desire.
Many sufferers of quiet BPD experience feeling disconnected from themselves and others. When their feelings become too unbearable, a person with quiet BPD frequently will detach emotionally from their experience, also known as dissociation.
Push/Pull behaviors
Pulling someone into a close relationship and then pushing that person away repeatedly is one of the most well-known symptoms of BPD. It causes the person in question to be confused about where they stand in the relationship.
What Does Idealization and Devaluation Look Like? A person with BPD may shift from great admiration for a loved one (idealization) to intense anger toward or dislike of that person (devaluation).
A person with BPD may experience intense episodes of anger, depression, and anxiety that may last from only a few hours to days.”
Those who have BPD tend to be very intense, dramatic, and exciting. This means they tend to attract others who are depressed and/or suffering low self-esteem. People who take their power from being a victim, or seek excitement in others because their own life is not where they want it to be.
Can You Ignore or Say No to Someone with BPD? You can ignore them if you feel disrespected or unsafe, but do this as a last resort when communicating your boundaries hasn't worked. Acknowledge their feelings, but express that you feel disrespected, upset, or overwhelmed by their current behavior.
People with borderline personality disorder have a deep fear of abandonment. They compete for social acceptance, are terrified of rejection and often feel lonely even in the context of an intimate relationship. Therefore, it is more difficult for them to manage the normal ups and downs of a romantic partnership.
Don't point out how you feel that they're wrong, try to win the argument, or invalidate their feelings, even when what they're saying is totally irrational. Do your best to stay calm, even when the person with BPD is acting out.
When people with this disorder feel that they are about to be abandoned, they typically become fearful and angry. For example, they may become panicky or furious when someone important to them is a few minutes late or cancels an engagement.
Often, the borderline person is unaware of how they feel when their feelings surface, so they displace their feelings onto others as causing them. They may not realise that their feelings belong within them, so they think that their partner is responsible for hurting them and causing them to feel this way.
The symptoms of BPD are very broad, and some can be similar to or overlap with other mental health problems, such as: Bipolar disorder. Complex post-traumatic stress disorder (C-PTSD) Depression.
Fear of abandonment compels some individuals with symptoms of BPD to isolate those they love socially. Triangulation is a common mechanism used to separate loved ones from their social network. Speaking to your loved one's emotions rather than trying to quiet them behaviorally is likely to produce the best outcome.
People with borderline personality disorder may experience intense mood swings and feel uncertainty about how they see themselves. Their feelings for others can change quickly, and swing from extreme closeness to extreme dislike. These changing feelings can lead to unstable relationships and emotional pain.
Those with borderline personality disorder, or BPD, a mental illness marked by unstable moods, often experience trouble maintaining interpersonal relationships. New research indicates that this may have to do with lowered brain activity in regions important for empathy in individuals with borderline personality traits.
If you suspect you're someone with BPD's favorite person, they may exhibit the following signs toward you: Consistent need for reassurance. Intense declarations of their love or appreciation for you. Reaching out more frequently when you don't respond.
Borderline personality disorder directly affects how one feels about him or herself, one's behaviors as well as how an individual can relate to others. Psychoanalytic theorists assert that individuals with BPD are often intolerant of being alone, which may be caused by experiencing “annihilation anxiety…
Family members may be quick to deny or argue the feelings experienced the person with BPD. If these feelings are ignored, the individual may resort to self-destructive ways to express their emotions.