Your narcissist wants you to feel small, unlovable, powerless, and without value. This is how he controls you. He absolutely doesn't want you to live in the truth that you are lovable and have the power to make your own choices because then he loses control over you.
Attention-seeking behavior—positive or negative—is essentially narcissistic supply. Wanting attention, accolades, and validation are not inherently narcissistic. We all need to feel heard and accepted, but narcissists crave this attention constantly.
The best way to know if a narcissist loves you is by looking at their behavior over time rather than just relying on words or expressions of affection. If they are consistently putting your needs first, even when it doesn't directly benefit them, then it may be possible that they truly care for you.
Show them you're a prize.
Unfortunately, narcissists eventually sees others as "less than" them. To keep them hooked, remind the narcissist that you're high value. Maybe you have a high-status job, a large social circle, or a talent that makes you sought after.
Your emotions are an inconvenience for narcissists. You can expect the narcissist to feel anger because you put them in such a situation where they have to face their emotions (or lack thereof). Your tears also put the spotlight on you, which is unacceptable for a narcissist.
“As narcissists do not have empathy, they are not able to genuinely care or love you,” explains Davey. Instead, narcissists will only have people in their lives that benefit them; they are very selfish people. “They are number one in their lives.
They Like A Challenge
If they target an insecure person, they don't feel that strong sense of superiority over their partner that they thrive on. By pursuing, and ultimately “conquering” a strong and confident woman, a narcissist will feel the ultimate sense of superiority.
Put Your Needs First. Narcissists make others feel guilty about being happy because they expect everyone to put the narcissist's happiness first. If you're not constantly praising them or accepting their criticisms that make them feel superior, they won't be satisfied.
Constant thoughts about being more successful, powerful, smart, loved or attractive than others. Feelings of superiority and desire to only associate with high-status people. Need for excessive admiration. Sense of entitlement.
It could be that they are attracted by your looks, your intellect, your knowledge, your status, your wealth, your popularity, etc. Whatever it is that attracts the narcissist to you, most victims tend to have one trait in common, that is, their empathic caring nature.
“To what extent do you agree with this statement: 'I am a narcissist.'”
The narcissist does not want you to know how that there are times he is astounded by the fact you know him as well as you do. The narcissist does not want you to know that at times he is stupefied by the fact you have allowed yourself to be fooled by his trickery and deceit.
Most narcissists enjoy an irrational and brief burst of relief after having suffered emotionally ("narcissistic injury") or after having sustained a loss. It is a sense of freedom, which comes with being unshackled.
So, the narcissist will pick out a victim who has a problem loving themselves and who will idealize them, feeling dependent on their opinion and validation for a sense of own worth.
Unfortunately for a narcissist, she says, the next person will always end up being boring because time breeds familiarity, requiring the narcissist to look for something new. "They are always waiting for the next new thing," she adds. "You are not boring, narcissists are just bored with everything."
Although narcissists act superior, entitled and boastful, underneath their larger-than-life facade lies their greatest fear: That they are ordinary. For narcissists, attention is like oxygen. Narcissists believe only special people get attention.
In fact, narcissists prefer to target someone who is strong-willed, and who has talents or characteristics they admire, because they believe it makes them shine too. "Narcissists are drawn to those who can boost their own self-esteem and validate their sense of importance," Wasser told Insider.
They will often deploy a variety of narcissistic relationship patterns such as manipulation, charismatic, and exploitational tactics in order to ensure that their own needs and wants are met. As a spouse, you may be the subject of their manipulation and abuse, while your partner treats everyone else positively.
But this was not the case for narcissists—they were significantly more satisfied with partners who met their ideals for attractiveness, status, and vitality. This shows that not only do narcissists value “trophy” traits in a partner, but they are happier with their relationships when they obtain those traits.
Empathize with Their Feelings
It is extremely soothing to Narcissists when you demonstrate that you understand and empathize with how they feel.
Narcissists' Greatest Fear
Although narcissists act superior, entitled and boastful, underneath their larger-than-life facade lies their greatest fear: That they are ordinary. For narcissists, attention is like oxygen. Narcissists believe only special people get attention.