So, they are more at a loss when you stop chasing them. They are miserable, sad, and broken. The worst part is that some avoidants may never differentiate their own emotions. They think 'being aloof' is the only way they can be safe and away from the emotional desert.
A fearful avoidant during no contact acts slightly differently from other attachment styles. Going no contact with them can become extremely distracting and often requires a lot of discipline. The fearful-avoidant does not express remorse or sadness over heartbreak in the initial weeks of the breakup.
Intriguingly, avoidant attachers may only repress their upset and distress in the direct aftermath of a breakup. In contrast to anxious attachers, who typically brood and focus on why a relationship ended when it initially happens, avoidant attachers may only do so after considerable time has passed.
Identify your needs and desires: Once you stop chasing an avoidant, you reflect on your own needs and desires in a relationship and life in general. Take some time to think about what is important to you and what you are looking for in a partner.
What happens when you walk away from a dismissive avoidant? You'll trigger their abandonment wound, and they'll tell themselves their fears were justified. Dismissive-avoidants are highly sensitive to rejection. It's part of why they reject others pre-emptively.
According to researchers, avoidants distance from romantic partners by using various “deactivating strategies” in relationships. These methods and strategies are like an “anti-intimacy” toolbox. They consciously or unconsciously deny their needs for attachment and connection.
So, they are more at a loss when you stop chasing them. They are miserable, sad, and broken. The worst part is that some avoidants may never differentiate their own emotions. They think 'being aloof' is the only way they can be safe and away from the emotional desert.
They have emotions the same way that we do, they just feel them differently and they don't feel them as intensely as a person that is anxious preoccupied. What they miss about the relationship is the togetherness and the closeness. They may not miss the relationship in itself because relationships take a lot of work.
Attachment Avoidance & Social Loneliness
Studies have found that avoidant attachers are less likely to date or seek relationships. In other words, they are more prone to having smaller social circles and, thus, may stay single for longer periods of time.
If you feel that your avoidant partner isn't recognizing your love or reciprocating your efforts, it's time to leave. While you might feel emotions like sadness, anger, fear, or grief, this is all part of the healing process. Allow yourself to feel the painful feelings of your breakup.
Because people with an avoidant attachment style fear not being lovable or good enough, feeling criticized or judged by loved ones can be particularly painful. Especially when it comes to things that they are not so comfortable with, such as their emotions and feelings.
People with an avoidant attachment style believe that they can only rely on themselves for comfort and support because they have learned that others could not be relied upon to meet their critical needs. Seeking help from others evokes a powerful fear of being abandoned, rejected, or disappointed.
At times, a dismissive avoidant will warn you that they will hurt you or break your heart even before the relationship begins. It's happened so many times before and they expect it to happen again. Dismissive avoidants who are more self-aware often hurt after a break-up because they hurt themselves, again.
Findings from his in-depth analysis revealed that the silent treatment is 'tremendously' damaging to a relationship. It decreases relationship satisfaction for both partners, diminishes feelings of intimacy, and reduces the capacity to communicate in a way that's healthy and meaningful.
As far as the dismissive more specifically, most likely they'll just fade to black and you won't hear from them after that first month. Around almost a two month mark is when the dismissive avoidant is going to really start to feel things. They are going to start feeling the breakup.
Right away when you go no contact with a dismissive avoidant, if they were the one to break up with you or vice versa, they are going to feel some sort of relief. You have to remember, for the dismissive avoidant, they're taking a gamble by getting into a committed relationship with you.
Avoidants tend to not want to give anything or anybody their time or their energy. If it doesn't serve them any purpose, they won't do it. So if they are with you and they are giving you their time, that is a really good indication that they care about you and they are putting you as a priority.
Fearful avoidants often “deactivate” their attachment systems due to repeated rejections by others9. When they are in distress, they deactivate their attachment behavior. Consequently, the more upset their romantic partner is, the less likely a fearful-avoidant adult is to offer comfort and support10.
People with avoidant personality disorder have chronic feelings of inadequacy and are highly sensitive to being negatively judged by others. Though they would like to interact with others, they tend to avoid social interaction due to the intense fear of being rejected by others.
Avoidants believe that no one else gets them, and they need time to themselves to organize their thoughts and feelings. It hurts, but chasing after them when they want to be alone will push them even farther away since they'll feel like their independence is threatened.
Whereas the avoidant is someone afraid of intimacy and emotional closeness and has a high need for independence and solitude. If your ex has an anxious attachment style, they likely moved on slower than an average person. Whereas if they have an avoidant one, they likely moved on faster than an average person.
The avoidant side demands less fight, says they cannot remain present in conflict, uses abandonment as a tool, a weapon (“the silent treatment”)—the only thing their partner can hear.
Love Avoidants recognize and are attracted to the Love Addict's strong fear of being left because Love Avoidants know that all they have to do to trigger their partner's fear is threaten to leave.
The fearful-avoidant attachment style is characterized by a negative view of self and a negative view of others. Those who fall into this category view themselves as unworthy and undeserving of love.
Texting infrequently or not at all is the default mode of existence for dismissive avoidants who value independence more than connection. They'll rarely make attempts to reach out. They don't have the same connection needs as people with other attachment styles.