Individuals with borderline personality disorder (BPD) may experience additional challenges in their parenting role, including increased stress and lower self-efficacy and satisfaction.
Parents with BPD may oscillate between being overly attached or involved with their children and being hostile or dismissive. Sometimes, they might present as extraordinarily loving and attentive. Other times, they may be harsh, punitive, and abusive.
Parents with personality disorder may also struggle with expressing appropriate empathic responses, fluctuations in mental wellbeing, difficulty maintaining a stable and safe environment, role confusion, managing interpersonal conflict, engaging in parenting skills and demonstrating self-efficacy [8].
Talk to a therapist or other mental health professional for individual help. Set and reinforce boundaries with your borderline parent. Keep a journal to write your thoughts and feelings, especially after an upsetting interaction. Be aware of triggers (both yours and your parent's) and do your best to avoid them.
There is also evidence to link BPD to other forms of child maltreatment, such as emotional and physical neglect. In fact, some research suggests that emotional and physical neglect may be even more closely related to the development of BPD than physical or sexual abuse.
A recent meta-analysis revealed higher rates of childhood abuse and neglect in individuals with BPD than in healthy controls and other psychiatric groups [6, 7]. Particularly strong associations were reported for emotional abuse [8,9,10] and sexual abuse [8, 11,12,13,14,15].
Developmental factors
Individuals with a diagnosis of BPD are more likely to report distressing childhood experiences such as emotional neglect and sexual, physical, and verbal abuse by caregivers of either sex.
What is the effect of BPD on family members? Family members often feel mystified and exhausted by their relative's illness. The intense mood swings and anger outbursts can be frightening and disruptive. Impulsive acting out in areas such as spending, substance abuse, or sex can be a major source of marital conflict.
People living with BPD often have an intense fear of instability and abandonment. As a result, they have problems being alone. The condition is also known for anger, mood swings, and impulsiveness. These qualities can dissuade people from being around someone with BPD.
Key points. Many people with borderline personality disorder are highly functional parents. Some people raised by parents with BPD compensate by becoming exceptionally compassionate, mature, and competent. It is never too late to set boundaries with a parent, even if this was impossible in childhood.
People with BPD score low on cognitive empathy but high on emotional empathy. This suggests that they do not easily understand other peoples' perspectives, but their own emotions are very sensitive. This is important because it could align BPD with other neurodiverse conditions.
Christine Lawson, describes four subtypes of mothers with BPD: the Waif (helpless), the Hermit (fearful/avoidant), the Queen (controlling) and the Witch (sadistic).
Environmental factors
being exposed to long-term fear or distress as a child. being neglected by 1 or both parents. growing up with another family member who had a serious mental health condition, such as bipolar disorder or a drink or drug misuse problem.
Key points. Many people with borderline personality disorder are highly functional parents. Some people raised by parents with BPD compensate by becoming exceptionally compassionate, mature, and competent. It is never too late to set boundaries with a parent, even if this was impossible in childhood.
The children of parents with BPD are at risk of poorer outcomes in terms of their own mental health, educational outcomes and wellbeing. The challenges of being a parent can also exacerbate the symptoms of those with BPD traits.
For many folks with BPD, a “meltdown” will manifest as rage. For some, it might look like swinging from one intense emotion to another. For others, it might mean an instant drop into suicidal ideation. Whatever your experience is, you're not alone.
Borderline personality disorder (BPD) is one of the most damaging mental illnesses. By itself, this severe mental illness accounts for up to 10 percent of patients in psychiatric care and 20 percent of those who have to be hospitalized.
While any mental health disorder can pose significant health challenges, eating disorders are currently the most deadly category of mental health conditions. Any mental health disorder can present risk factors across the duration of a person's life.
Many family members of people with BPD describe very difficult struggles with feelings of guilt. 2 Research on the causes of BPD suggests that childhood maltreatment in the form of abuse or neglect may be related to the development of BPD. There is also evidence of a strong genetic component.
So, what exactly does the BPD break up cycle look like? It can look like fear of abandonment, distrust of a partner, cheating, lack of communication and self-blame. It can look like idolizing a partner, confusing strong emotions for passion, anxiety and overreacting to interactions perceived as negative.
Those diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) or those with BPD who may not even know they have it, are more likely than the general population to be verbally, emotionally/psychologically, physically abusive.
In fact, content analysis of DSM criteria by Geiger & Crick (2001) found five childhood indicators of BPD: hostile or paranoid worldview; impulsivity; intense, unstable or inappropriate emotion; excessively close relationships; and lack of sense of self.
Another hallmark of borderline personality disorder is having a favorite person—usually a family member, romantic partner, or someone in a supportive role, such as a teacher or coach. For someone with this type of BPD relationship, a “favorite person” is someone they rely on for comfort, happiness, and validation.
Borderline patients may become distraught at ordinary criticism, which they experience as a blow to self-esteem; may react with rage to a disappointment or minor slight; or may feel terror at a separation that they experience as virtual abandonment.