Some people may “fall in love” with someone with NPD due to unconsciously repeating maladaptive patterns from an earlier stage in their life, while others may simply fall in love and weren't paying attention to the red flags at the beginning of the relationship due to all of the intoxicating feelings of falling in love ...
People who are impressive in some way, either in their career, hobbies and talents, their friendship circles, or family. Someone who will make the narcissist feel good about themselves, through compliments or gestures. Anyone who will reflect well on them in the eyes of other people.
"Narcissists are drawn to those who can boost their own self-esteem and validate their sense of importance," Wasser told Insider. "Being associated with someone who is successful or admired can make the narcissist feel more important by proxy."
Narcissists can and do love, but their love tends to be superficial and fleeting. They can develop intense emotional attachments—even appearing to "fall in love"—and yet still maintain a complete lack of empathy for the object of their affection.
In fact, narcissists are often attracted to strong, confident, and self-assured women. While this may seem counterintuitive, it is important to realize that the narcissistic traits of grandiosity and confidence are really a mask for deep insecurity.
Narcissists are attracted to dynamic and appealing partners, individuals who appear as if they have high self-esteem but who also have a "pocket" or two of low self-esteem.
They get jealous about everything
They talk a good game, but narcissists actually have very low self-esteem. Low self-worth/confidence/esteem is at the core of a narcissism. This low sense of self naturally makes it extremely easy for them to become jealous – very jealous.
Narcissists may show you love and act in loving ways, but this tends to be conditional, in that displays of love depend on what you can give them in return. For people with NPD, relationships tend to be transactional. Love is not self-serving, proud, boastful, exploitative, or envious.
One effective way that a narcissist can draw someone back into their realm is to say, “I love you.” If you're especially important to a narcissist, they'll say and do just about anything to get you back, including using those powerful three words.
Narcissists want to have their own way. They tend to be rule-oriented and controlling. They are inflexible. It benefits narcissists to have partners who are willing to go with the flow and not make a big deal over anything, ever.
Most narcissists enjoy an irrational and brief burst of relief after having suffered emotionally ("narcissistic injury") or after having sustained a loss. It is a sense of freedom, which comes with being unshackled.
Social learning theory holds that children are likely to grow up to be narcissistic when their parents overvalue them: when their parents see them as more special and more entitled than other children (9).
Being accommodating to a narcissist will make them instantly attracted to you. An easy-going nature and being flexible indicates to them that they can make you compromise to suit their life. They don't believe they should ever be the ones to adjust so naturally they'll be drawn to adjustable people.
Although narcissists act superior, entitled and boastful, underneath their larger-than-life facade lies their greatest fear: That they are ordinary. For narcissists, attention is like oxygen. Narcissists believe only special people get attention.
They will often deploy a variety of narcissistic relationship patterns such as manipulation, charismatic, and exploitational tactics in order to ensure that their own needs and wants are met. As a spouse, you may be the subject of their manipulation and abuse, while your partner treats everyone else positively.
When a narcissist becomes obsessed with you, they will stare and watch you for as long as they can. I can't imagine how uncomfortable that would be; that's why you shouldn't dismiss anything or anyone so quickly. Allow them into your life only after you have thoroughly investigated who they are at their core.
They won't change. You may think that when a narcissist truly falls in love, they change for the better. Unfortunately, in most situations, that is not the case. And because of that, they tend to turn abusive or remain self-absorbed.
Bottom Line. Narcissists can sometimes be helpful and caring. However, more often than not, they only pretend to have these qualities. Moreover, even when they act giving and helping, they are not motivated by empathy because they severely lack it, and as a result, their help is often not very productive.
Narcissists can be very charming and persuasive. They're typically masters at flirting, romanticizing, impressing, and convincing. It's easy to fall under their influence and do what they want, for it might feel good to do so, at least initially.
One of the biggest insecurities of narcissists is their lack of emotional intelligence. They must learn how to be happy when their loved ones are happy. And offer comfort when they are sad. Until then, their insecurities around their lack of empathy will continue.