The question of when to say “I love you” in a relationship is a contentious one. In the many conversations I've had on the topic, the consensus seems to be that three months in is the sweet spot.
"[One month is] not too soon if you spend every single day together for an entire month," Golden says. "That's long enough to fall in love and to verbally express it." On the flipside, Anita Chlipala, a licensed marriage and family therapist, isn't fully convinced four weeks can give you all the answers.
Two months may be too soon to say “I love you” for some people, while the same period of time may be perfect for other couples. You may also want to consider checking on your own feelings. Lust and infatuation can sometimes mimic aspects of romantic love, and could lead you to say “I love you” prematurely.
According to research and surveys, most people agree that anywhere between 3 and 5 months after you start dating is the right time to say love you to your partner for the first time.
While early relationship feels (and hormones) can be intoxicating, relationship experts warn that it might be a red flag if you or your partner is too quick to say, “I love you.”
According to a large 2022 study, men tend to say “I love you” more quickly than women. It takes men an average of 108 days (about 4 months) to confess love and women an average of around 123 days (about 4 months).
According to 2020 OKCupid data on 6,000 people shared with mindbodygreen, 62% of people think you should say "I love you" "as soon as you feel it," whereas 22% think you should wait "several months," and 3% think you should wait "at least a year." On average, research has found men take about three months to say "I ...
The three-month rule prescribes that people should put potential partners through a trial period, during which the partner is evaluated on how good of a fit they are.
The root theory of the 3-month dating rule is unknown and obscure, but the universal acceptance of it is real. Three months is plenty of time to know if you see long-term potential in the relationship. Three months is short enough that each person can escape without too much heartbreak.
What the post-breakup 3-month rule basically means is that all parties previously linked must wait three months before dating again. The reason for this societal dictation is to give the people involved a breather, some lead time, maybe a little room for forgiveness.
Men usually say it first, and it's for the reason you think
A 2011 study published in the Journal of Sociology Psychology found that, while both male and female college students believe women tend to say “I love you” first, it's actually men who fall in love faster and say the L-word earlier.
As a general rule of thumb, say I love you after you have been on five dates or seeing each other for three months. Confess your love only when you are sure of your feelings, accept your partner with their flaws, imagine a future together, and believe that both of you are on the same page.
In fact, researchers found that men thought about confessing love six weeks earlier, on average, than women. The general consensus among studies on love is that men fall in love faster than women.
A man who's falling in love tends to show his desire for greater closeness and intimacy in many different ways. He will likely prioritize spending time with you and put in real effort to make you happy. He may show you his softer side, while also serving as a source of strength and comfort when you need it most.
During the first two or three months of being together, almost 25% of people will have said “I love you”. Just 11% admitted to taking longer than half a year.
The Six-Month Rule
You know enough to decide if you want to be together or not. This is usually the point when most couples decide if they want to become exclusive. Getting through six months together indicates that you and your partner want a long-term relationship together.
Case in point: An 2018 survey of 1,000 British men and women found that while more than half of them take over three months to say, "I love you," 32% of women and 29% of men say it in one to three months—and 10% of women and 14% of men say it in just one to four weeks.
According to research by dating app Inner Circle, 68% of daters have had a relationship end after three months. This is usually due to something called the "feelings gap". This gap is the difference in the amount of time each partner takes to decide whether or not they want to be in a long-term relationship.
That said, an average relationship can be considered serious when you have been dating for 3 months. It takes 3 months for both you and your partner to understand what your core values are and whether you are compatible enough to go long-term with this relationship.
The honeymoon phase is a blissful, carefree period in a couple's relationship. Both partners are just getting to know each other, and they can find little fault with their significant other.
Dating requires little commitment. You may agree to specific aspects of a date, such as a date, time, and place, but that's about it. A meaningful relationship requires commitment from both partners. Relationships with commitment include looking to the future and exploring where things may take you.
In many ways, men may fall in love in a way that mimics the female experience. The early stages can involve an infatuation with someone else, which can slowly deepen into trust, compassion and deep attachment. Men may also fall in love quickly and feel a strong need for affection from their partners.
In six weeks, you may know that you're thinking about this new person often. You'll know if you're curious about how his head works; you may begin to feel real attraction to him. In six weeks, you may know that he makes steam come out of your ears and yet you look forward to your next meeting.
Researchers concluded that falling in love is much like the sensation of feeling addicted to drugs with the release of euphoria, including brain chemicals like dopamine, oxytocin, adrenaline, and vasopressin.