The question of when to say “I love you” in a relationship is a contentious one. In the many conversations I've had on the topic, the consensus seems to be that three months in is the sweet spot.
Two months may be too soon to say “I love you” for some people, while the same period of time may be perfect for other couples. You may also want to consider checking on your own feelings. Lust and infatuation can sometimes mimic aspects of romantic love, and could lead you to say “I love you” prematurely.
Three-Month Rule: After a Break-Up
Basically, after a break-up, the three-month rule is a rule that says you and your ex are both given 3 months before entering the dating scene again. Just waiting it out, and mourning that your relationship ended.
"[One month is] not too soon if you spend every single day together for an entire month," Golden says. "That's long enough to fall in love and to verbally express it." On the flipside, Anita Chlipala, a licensed marriage and family therapist, isn't fully convinced four weeks can give you all the answers.
According to research and surveys, most people agree that anywhere between 3 and 5 months after you start dating is the right time to say love you to your partner for the first time.
Case in point: An 2018 survey of 1,000 British men and women found that while more than half of them take over three months to say, "I love you," 32% of women and 29% of men say it in one to three months—and 10% of women and 14% of men say it in just one to four weeks.
"The three month-mark in a relationship is usually when you either take the relationship to the next level and become more serious, or you decide that love isn't going to grow and you break ties," dating coach, Anna Morgenstern, tells Bustle. Every couple goes through the stages of relationships at their own pace.
In fact, researchers found that men thought about confessing love six weeks earlier, on average, than women. The general consensus among studies on love is that men fall in love faster than women.
During the first two or three months of being together, almost 25% of people will have said “I love you”. Just 11% admitted to taking longer than half a year.
“There is no absolute rule,” says Dr. Lauren Kerwin, a clinical psychologist in Los Angeles. “[Falling in love] can happen instantaneously or take weeks, months, or years! It happens differently for everybody and takes different forms.”
Instead, I'm talking about the trend known as the three-month itch, which occurs when a couple have been dating for about three months and suddenly one decides that they either want to exit the relationship, or morph things from casual to commitment.
According to research by dating app Inner Circle, 68% of daters have had a relationship end after three months. This is usually due to something called the "feelings gap". This gap is the difference in the amount of time each partner takes to decide whether or not they want to be in a long-term relationship.
That said, an average relationship can be considered serious when you have been dating for 3 months. It takes 3 months for both you and your partner to understand what your core values are and whether you are compatible enough to go long-term with this relationship.
While early relationship feels (and hormones) can be intoxicating, relationship experts warn that it might be a red flag if you or your partner is too quick to say, “I love you.”
Men usually say it first, and it's for the reason you think
A 2011 study published in the Journal of Sociology Psychology found that, while both male and female college students believe women tend to say “I love you” first, it's actually men who fall in love faster and say the L-word earlier.
It's all up to you and what you're ready for. Even during the date if you feel suddenly you aren't ready to say it, then don't! Stick with your gut and don't pressure yourself into saying something you're not ready for. Telling your partner that you love them can be a very vulnerable experience.
Many times, the true signs are in the little things like his body language, the way he prioritizes you, or when he goes out of his way to try to make you happy. Other signs he loves you are that he asks for your opinion on things and he says nice things about you.
Physical attraction, sexual compatibility, empathy, and emotional connection are key to making a man fall in love with a woman.
This is backed up by Marissa Harrison, a psychologist from Pennsylvania State University who thinks that women are much more cautious when it comes to love, while men tend to fall in love harder and faster. Studies show that a man's requirements to fall in love are significantly less stringent than those of a woman.
And, according to the findings, the average age you'll find your partner varies from gender to gender. That's right - the research found that the average woman finds their life partner at the age of 25, while for men, they're more likely to find their soulmate at 28.
According to 2020 OKCupid data on 6,000 people shared with mindbodygreen, 62% of people think you should say "I love you" "as soon as you feel it," whereas 22% think you should wait "several months," and 3% think you should wait "at least a year." On average, research has found men take about three months to say "I ...
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