Article content. In your 30s and 40s, a small, tight-knit group is optimal. Having three to five close friends allows for paired activities (tandem biking, charades), as well as intimate group outings (movie nights, wine tastings, group discount rates).
But just because it's difficult to make friends after 30 doesn't mean it's impossible. While one 2020 study found that more than 3 in 5 Americans consider themselves lonely, citing a lack of social support and meaningful interactions as the main cause, it certainly doesn't have to be that way.
14% have 1-2 close friends. 39% have 3-5 close friends. 18% have 6-9 close friends. 27% have 10 or more friends.
Proximity is the first to go.
As adulthood takes over, you become more focused on your career and family. You move to a different city for work or a better school district for your kids. You leave your friends behind to focus on your new priorities. Healthy social networks require attention.
Despite the high volume of #squadgoals grams posted by acquaintances you don't actually go out with, it's actually perfectly normal to have just a few close friends. So whether you've grown apart from your high school or college friend group, or never had one to begin with, here's why—and why it's OK!
Mona Chalabi: According to Dunbar, our apple basket of relationships has an average of 150 people in it. This 150 figure is referred to as “Dunbar's number“. Now it might seem high, but what Dunbar is looking at is the number of relationships the brain can handle at one time.
In general, having no friends is relatively normal. A February 2021 report found that 36% of Americans felt serious loneliness and a 2019 report showed that 1 in 5 people had no friends. If you have no friends, you are not alone. However, having no friends can lead to loneliness for some people.
A 2016 study by Aalto University and the University of Oxford found social circles shrink significantly after age 25; people stop making new friends and start becoming distanced from the ones they have. Specifically, the study showed around age 25, the average person contacts between 17.5 and 19 people per month.
Studies have shown that, when people reach their 30's, they start to value quality friendships over quantity. Once their social circles dwindle, people settle for fewer friendships. As an outsider to those social circles, you may find it more intimidating to “break in” to an already established social circle.
Article content. In your 30s and 40s, a small, tight-knit group is optimal. Having three to five close friends allows for paired activities (tandem biking, charades), as well as intimate group outings (movie nights, wine tastings, group discount rates).
However, introverts don't need a wide circle of friends. They prefer one or two close friends, even though they may know many people and have many acquaintances. Despite this preference, introverts are often criticized for not attempting to make more friends, and are often viewed as lacking social skills.
The biggest topic adults seek out their friends for is relationship advice. Overall, the average adult spends four hours a week with their friends, and 48 percent say it's strange if they go an entire day without speaking to their best friends.
You are not alone. About 23% of men and women ages 30-49 are reportedly single. Embracing the single life can feel like a rollercoaster.
Some aspects of dating in your 30s make the process harder—such as a shrinking candidate pool. You can no longer meet potential partners at school and probably aren't attending parties and social gatherings as often. These are hot spots for fresh encounters.
According to “The Friendship Report,” a global study commissioned by Snapchat in 2019, the average age at which we meet our best friends is 21—a stage when we're not only bonding over formative new experiences such as first love and first heartbreak, but also growing more discerning about whom we befriend.
When researchers interviewed adults about making friends in a recent study, the most important challenge cited was a lack of trust. That is, people found it harder to put their trust in someone new and fully invest in them as a friend compared to when they were younger.
Friends may come and go but if you find that more of them are leaving these days rather than staying, the problem may be something you are doing. While one or two friends might decide to move on for their own reasons, a habit of losing friends usually means you have a problem you haven't been real with yourself about.
A recent study published by the Aalto University School of Science in Finland and Oxford University found that for both men and women, the age of 25 is when most of us start losing friends. Researchers call this a "peak" point, and as we get older, our group of contacts begin to drop.
Jessica Harrison, a licensed professional counselor and owner of Courageous Counseling and Consulting, says a lack of long-term friendships is a major red flag. "It shows that they have not been committed to growing in relationships, which takes time and effort on both friends' part," says Harrison.
"Lacking encouragement from family or friends, those who are lonely may slide into unhealthy habits," Valtorta says. "In addition, loneliness has been found to raise levels of stress, impede sleep and, in turn, harm the body. Loneliness can also augment depression or anxiety."
Causes of loneliness include life changes that lead to social isolation, like moving to a new place, grieving a death, or the end of a relationship. In some cases, loneliness is linked with mental health conditions like depression.