Remember touch is essential and there is no substitution for a great big hug! As author and family therapist Virginia Satir once said, “We need four hugs a day for survival. We need eight hugs a day for maintenance. We need 12 hugs a day for growth”.
The Importance Hugging Your Teen
There's a saying that a child needs four hugs a day for survival, eight for maintenance, and 12 for growth. So, how do you give your teenager 12 hugs a day? “Always hug your teenager when you first see him in the morning,” Markham advises.
When people hug for 20 seconds or more, the feel-good hormone oxytocin is released which creates a stronger bond and connection between the huggers. Oxytocin has been shown to boost the immune system and reduce stress.
However, at least four hugs a day are important to keep us feeling good about ourselves, ward off stress, and stay healthy both physically and mentally. On a normal day, you should not settle for less than eight hugs because that's how many many hugs you do need in a day to feel loved and cared for!
Hugging helps lower our stress throughout the day.
Like so many other unseen benefits, this all goes back to good ol' hormones. Some researchers believe that hugging and other interpersonal touch can boost a hormone called oxytocin and also affect our endogenous opioid system.
Effects of Touch Starvation
When you don't get enough physical touch, you can become stressed, anxious, or depressed. As a response to stress, your body makes a hormone called cortisol.
As often as you both want! “Physical touch is so important to us both as individuals and as partners,” says Goerlich. However, there is no set amount of cuddling time that will make you feel the maximum benefit, because ultimately, how effective cuddling is depends on the individual.
Being hugged uplifts our mood. If you are feeling isolated or are going through a rough time, a hug releases endorphins. Endorphins are the body's natural pain relievers. These neurotransmitters increase our feelings of pleasure.
Craving physical touch is called skin hunger, or touch deprivation. According to Healthline, it “occurs when a person experiences little to no touch from other living things.” For many people, this is their reality right now.
Psychologists in London claim they have cracked the code on the ideal embrace, saying hugs should last between five and 10 seconds. According to researchers at Goldsmiths university, longer hugs were found to provide an immediate pleasure boost compared to shorter ones (lasting just one second).
Tight hugs have a positive impact on your body and your brain. Getting a hug from someone you love gives you a sense of familiarity and protection. A tight hug communicates friendship, warmth, acceptance, and appreciation. A long, firm hug makes your body produce more serotonin in your brain.
“When we did this second study, we talked to people,” she says. “They'd often say 'Oh yeah, the neck-waist feels a bit more intimate. '” In total, the results suggest the safest, most likely to be pleasant hug is one that's 5 to 10 seconds long with crisscrossed arms.
It promotes healthy self-esteem
The hugs we give our children from day one helps to reassure them that they are loved. It develops a sense of self-confidence and a positive mindset in them. These associations of self-worth stay with them from childhood right up to adulthood.
Kiss someone when you feel ready, regardless of how old you are. Around ages 12-15, people often start having their first kiss. Don't feel pressured by other people your age kissing people, and don't rush into kissing someone if you are apprehensive. You'll know intuitively when the time feels right.
It is completely normal and healthy. Most 13-year-olds are already tempted to experiment with themselves and date someone. The best thing an adult can say to a young person who is interested in kissing another child is: "You're old enough to know your own mind, and you should only do what makes you happy.
What Does It Mean to Be Touch Starved? Touch starvation occurs when you go without skin-to-skin contact for long periods. Over time, it can impact your mental health and well-being. Being touch starved — aka touch deprived or skin hungry — can happen when you have had little to no touch from other living things.
It can be hard for someone to know if they are experiencing touch starvation. Most commonly, people will feel an overwhelming sensation of loneliness. People may also experience: stress.
Cuddling is an ideal relaxing activity to help you wind down and let go of stress during your nightly bedtime routine. Consider trying several positions to find the one that suits you best. Some of the most common couple sleeping positions include: Spooning: Each person lies on their side facing the same direction.
When it comes to kissing, body+soul sexologist Gabrielle Morrissey says you need to kiss your partner every day for maximum relationship benefits, and three of those kisses need to be an extended passionate kiss. Researchers have found that seven seconds is optimal kissing time for a healthy relationship.
Cuddling before bed could produce benefits, such as oxytocin release. Sometimes called the “love hormone,” oxytocin is associated with bonding and trust. Higher levels of oxytocin have also been linked to falling asleep more quickly and staying asleep overnight, according to Penn Medicine.
Everyone's different in terms of how much physical contact they need to feel good, but generally, “after several months, the side effects [of going without it will] begin to feel intense and perhaps overwhelming,” Dr. Alisa Ruby Bash, PsyD, LMFT, a licensed marriage and family therapist, tells HelloGiggles.
Don't impose hugs
“If someone looks like they're going to put their hand out, just follow. You don't have to grab them and go, 'Hey, I'm a hugger,' and make everyone feel uncomfortable.” Also, “if someone says no to a hug, don't dwell on it, just move on. The golden rule is treat people as you want to be treated.
from a daily oxytocin injection which provides the same amount of oxytocin produced by an actual 20-second hug. People of all ages then, need at least one big, 20-second hug a day (or 4 small hugs), if not to survive then at least to remain physically and mentally healthy.