According to new research, we make just 29 real friends in our lifetime and only six of them last the distance. A study, which charted the social lives of 2,000 people, showed that we lose touch with almost half of the friends that we make.
In general, based on 2021 survey data, the average person in America has between 3 and 5 close friends. According to this survey: almost half (49%) report having 3 or fewer close friends. over one-third (36%) report having between 4 and 9 close friends.
Research suggests that the number of close friends we need to feel that we have enough is somewhere between three and five. Not only that, but adults with four or five friends enjoy the highest levels of life satisfaction and those with three close friends are not far behind.
But a 2016 study found that this is probably only true about 50 percent of the time - only half of perceived friendships are actually mutual, and that's a problem. Led by researchers from MIT, the study analysed friendship ties in 84 subjects aged 23 to 38, who were taking part in a business management class.
According to “The Friendship Report,” a global study commissioned by Snapchat in 2019, the average age at which we meet our best friends is 21—a stage when we're not only bonding over formative new experiences such as first love and first heartbreak, but also growing more discerning about whom we befriend.
True friends are usually those who offer you support, improve your quality of life, promote self-confidence, provide honesty and unconditional love, and help you progress mentally. It often takes time and effort to foster deep, healthy friendships.
Dunbar says it takes so long to create a true friendship because you're looking for seven pillars of friendship—similarities in the following dimensions: the way you speak (dialect), hobbies and interests, religious views, moral views, sense of humor, musical taste and career trajectory.
Obviously, most people don't meet all of their friends during childhood and, unfortunately, not all friendships last forever. The poll found that the average friendship lasts for 17 years, however, 17 percent say they've had the same best friend for over 30 years!
But would you believe me if I told you that every seven years we go through a pretty profound change? Not only are you likely in a very different place in your life, but a study shows that there's a good chance you've replaced half of your closest friends with new ones.
The most common reason isn't tension; it's just that friendships fizzle out, both experts say. Friends move, get a new job, start a family and may just gradually stop talking to each other. One study found we lose about half our friends every seven years, Franco says.
In the words of motivational speaker Jim Rohn: “You are the average of the five people you spend the most time with.” The people you spend the most time with shape who you are. They determine what conversations dominate your attention.
You give more than you take.
At times, one person may need more than the other. But if a friend is constantly a taker and rarely a giver, it's not a balanced friendship. If you're always there for them but they don't do the same for you, it may be a sign to move on.
True friendships are admittedly rare, but they are possible if you know how to be one yourself and what to expect from others you want to call friends.
'False friendships' describe relationships where someone pretends to be your friend, or is your 'friend' sometimes, but actually uses their power to bully you. Sometimes bullying isn't as straight forward as someone openly being horrible to another person.
Good friends are hard to come by doesn't mean there aren't any! Many people are willing to accept you the way you are and offer you the companionship you're longing for. Don't give up and keep searching for people who can be your good friends. Finally, once you find them, never let them go.
They're never around in difficult times
So, being too busy, citing excuses, or flaking out on you every time you need help or support is one of the unmistakable signs your friend doesn't truly care about you.
Jessica Harrison, a licensed professional counselor and owner of Courageous Counseling and Consulting, says a lack of long-term friendships is a major red flag. "It shows that they have not been committed to growing in relationships, which takes time and effort on both friends' part," says Harrison.
It is possible to find happiness without friends. As long as you have a strong sense of self and focus on activities that bring you purpose and joy, you can enjoy life at your own pace and on your own terms. Take time for self-care and self-reflection.