Narcissists groom their victims in stages. Initially, they may shower the victim with affection and attention, making them feel special. Over time, they start to manipulate the victim subtly, making them dependent on the narcissist's approval and validation.
Perhaps the most easily identifiable form of grooming is called love bombing. Abusers groom victims by appearing to be the “perfect partner” at some point in the relationship. Abusers do whatever they need to in order to make the victim feel loved, safe, secure, and wanted.
During the grooming phase of the relationship, the Narcissist will feign an intense interest in target and ask a seemingly endless series of questions. The questions start off as casual and gradually shift to deeply personal inquiries about their hopes, goals, fears, and dreams.
They can then bask in the reflected specialness of that person, which makes them feel good about themselves. However all narcissists will be drawn to admirable qualities in their victims - good looks or intelligence perhaps - anything that can add to their image of being successful and a winner.
Narcissists also gaslight or practice master manipulation, weakening and destabilizing their victims; finally, they utilize positive and negative emotions or moments to trick others. When a narcissist can't control you, they'll likely feel threatened, react with anger, and they might even start threatening you.
Dehumanizing. Much like authoritarian regimes, narcissists classify others as inferior, unworthy, or evil to justify oppressing or attacking them. They may devalue you through dismissive remarks or hostile humor or treat you as “other,” seeking to make you feel subhuman and alone.
A narcissist will target a victim who will forgive them over and over for being hurtful. Typically, people who stay in relationships with narcissists are kind and forgiving. They tend to overlook the bad, seeing mainly the good in other people. So, they will always find excuses for a narcissist's abusive behavior.
They look for people who are confident, successful, attractive and strong-willed. Someone who possess these traits makes them look better and makes others envious that they are with you. They also want to tear you down.
They will often deploy a variety of narcissistic relationship patterns such as manipulation, charismatic, and exploitational tactics in order to ensure that their own needs and wants are met. As a spouse, you may be the subject of their manipulation and abuse, while your partner treats everyone else positively.
Common thoughts associated with shame include: “I am worthless.” “I am a failure.” “Why would anyone want to love a failure?” The shame for narcissists is carried deep within, and often impacts one's feeling of worth, that they cant bring themselves to share with anyone.
The four stages of the narcissistic abuse cycle are: Idealization, Devaluation, Repetition, and Discard. In this cycle, a narcissistic partner may love-bomb you, devalue your sense of self over time, repeat the pattern, and eventually, discard you and/or the relationship.
Malignant narcissists begin their relationships with excessive amounts of contact, praise, flattery, and attention – this is known as love bombing. They use love bombing to groom their victims in order to get them invested in a fabricated future together – one that they never plan to deliver on.
A narcissist begins the abuse by grooming you. They do a mildly abusive act to see if you acquiesce. For instance, they might fondle you in front of your mother or demand sexting while you are at work. These unwanted or embarrassing sexual acts are designed to catch you off-guard and create a feeling of trepidation.
Although narcissists act superior to others and posture as beyond reproach, underneath their grandiose exteriors lurk their deepest fears: That they are flawed, illegitimate, and ordinary.
Attention-seeking behavior—positive or negative—is essentially narcissistic supply. Wanting attention, accolades, and validation are not inherently narcissistic. We all need to feel heard and accepted, but narcissists crave this attention constantly.
Grandiose sense of self-importance
Grandiosity is the defining characteristic of narcissism. More than just arrogance or vanity, grandiosity is an unrealistic sense of superiority. Narcissists believe they are unique or “special” and can only be understood by other special people.
Breakups with narcissists don't always end the relationship. Many won't let you go, even when it's they who left the relationship, and even when they're with a new partner. They won't accept “no.”
It is because of this that they may find it difficult to understand other people's feelings or perspectives, a self-centredness that can cause them to act selfishly and exploit others for their own gain. “As narcissists do not have empathy, they are not able to genuinely care or love you,” explains Davey.
It often involves extravagant confessions of love, romantic gestures, fake remorse, and empty promises of change. A narcissist will use baiting to keep their narcissistic supply in place. In the case of hoovering, their intention is not just to provoke you, but also to have you back in their life.
Key points. Narcissistic bullies can be very aggressive in their bullying behavior and don't restrain themselves the way that most people do. They often will attack their target's self-esteem in order to dominate them, which can lead to self-doubts that immobilize their target.
They just cannot abide or tolerate feeling less than anybody else, so when someone possesses something that they do not have, it provokes feelings of inadequacy and triggers their shame and resentful longing. It is the narcissist's envy that causes their constant denigration of others.