Narcissists may use a blame-shifting apology, where they apologize but then shift the blame onto the other person. For example, they may say, “I'm sorry I yelled at you, but you made me so angry.” This type of apology does not take responsibility for their actions and places the blame on the other person.
For example, a narcissist might offer an insincere apology to get something in return. They might apologize to make themselves out in a victim position or to repair the damage that's been done to their image. There are narcissists who don't apologize for their actions.
Narcissists use apologies to return the advantage to them.
Narcissists seem to think saying they're sorry and will get them instant forgiveness. An apology is a get-out-of-jail-free card for narcissists, and when they play it, it's to get back their power — not give it away.
A phrase designed to elicit an apology from the other party, whereby the original apologizer can deflect full responsibility to that other person; usually said in a hostile or sarcastic tone and often followed by an explicit or implicit “…but this is really your fault”
Narcissists often have a hard time saying sorry, because they believe that their apology should be used as a tool for manipulation and control. If you're apologizing for something, it's important to remember that other people are not your enemies — they just want what's best for themselves and their families.
From time to time, nearly all of us make mistakes that hurt others. Fortunately, an earnest apology can soothe feelings, rebuild trust, and infuse healing into a damaged relationship. Authentic and heartfelt apologies, however, are rarely given by narcissists.
What Is A Gaslight Apology? A gaslight apology is an apology given that often appears sincere but the person is actually not taking any responsibility for what they have caused.
1. They add "but" at the end of their apology as a way to avoid taking responsibility for the topic of conflict e.g. "sorry but you made me do it." 2. They dismiss your emotions surrounding the topic e.g. "sorry, you're taking it all wrong."
Type 1 - The Dismissive Apology - “Sorry", “I'm sorry”, backed up with turning away, doing something else, or walking away. The apology that is said to dismiss the conversation, to negate feelings or responsibility.
Narcissists tend to be incapable of something called "object constancy," which means they struggle to have positive feelings at the same time as negative ones. Once they are fired up for a fight, they can be incredibly cruel, because all they can comprehend in the moment are feelings of resentment and anger.
They're stingy with money
I can't stress this enough. When you're dealing with a narcissist, nothing comes for free. In other words, if a narcissist spends money on you, it's because they want something from you. Whether it's complimenting them, offering friendship, providing a loan, or giving them a place to crash.
Instead, they may offer a superficial apology that does not acknowledge the harm they caused. For example, they may say, “I'm sorry you feel that way,” or “I'm sorry if I offended you,” which shifts the blame onto the other person and does not take responsibility for their actions.
The narcissist texting style is such that it's all about them. In this case, examples of narcissist text messages could be “call me now,” “I'm amazing because I bought the groceries,” and “why aren't you calling me – did I do something wrong?
Passive-aggressive apologies are also insincere and intended to make the recipient feel badly. An example of this is emphatically repeating, “I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry!” Coerced apologies or those that fulfill someone's expectations are not sincere. Transactional - “I apologized now, so it's your turn.”
Narcissistic gaslighting examples of this tactic include suggesting you're “confused,” “mixed up” or “misremembering.” Alternatively, they may take the opposite approach, saying something like, “I have no memory of that” or, “I don't know what you're talking about.”
The apology is more about them
A manipulative apology will always be followed by a hundred reasons and justifications for their wrong-doing. An apology is supposed to empathise with the victim rather than a mere excuse for what the perpetrator had done.
Grandiose sense of self-importance
Grandiosity is the defining characteristic of narcissism. More than just arrogance or vanity, grandiosity is an unrealistic sense of superiority. Narcissists believe they are unique or “special” and can only be understood by other special people.
“To what extent do you agree with this statement: 'I am a narcissist.'”