Some of the most popular ways narcissists use withholding include stonewalling (the shutting down of conversations before they've even begun), the silent treatment, a sudden withdrawal of affection and physical intimacy without reason, and unexplained disappearances where they refuse to contact you or engage with you ...
Narcissists in particular are withholders. They deliberately hold back an emotional reaction or connection and get a thrill when they feel you wanting more. The narcissist will make a point of withholding something that they know you really, really want.
Unlike normal, healthy partners who may have the occasional need for space or may not want affection during naturally occurring conflict or distress, narcissists withhold affection randomly and deliberately without reason (apart from the conflict and chaos they themselves manufacture out of thin air).
A person with narcissistic personality or narcissistic traits frequently uses manipulation tactics to influence and control others. Common examples of this include gaslighting, triangulation, love bombing, and many others.
Withholding is a very specific sort of psychological manipulation, and a fact of life for some of us. We may indulge in withholding behavior ourselves, or we may be on the receiving end; both occur most frequently, or so we think, in long-term relationships and marriage.
“Simply put, avoidant abuse is someone willingly withdrawing affection with the specific goal to hurt your feelings or control you. It's a form of psychological abuse that's particularly cutting, since humans need love and affection in order to feel happy in a relationship.”
Withholding is an abusive tactic that involves a person keeping love, affection, or even basic care from you until you do what they want you to do. It may not be communicated out loud, but somehow you are aware that you won't get “love” from this person until you concede to their expectations.
"Narcissists are primed to be abusive because they're so hypersensitive, and they don't have empathy, and they don't have object constancy," Greenberg said. "So they are primed to take offence and be abusive and not really understand... It's a lot of work for the non-narcissistic mate."
They are low on emotional empathy.
Without emotional empathy, you have less motivation to pay attention to the pain that your words and actions cause a partner. Narcissists can have “intellectual empathy” without emotional empathy.
Narcissists use future faking to enjoy themselves, entertain someone they are interested in for the moment, and as a way to get sex and validation. Even when they start out believing their own hype, the other person is likely to end up hurt and disappointed.
What many don't realize is that narcissists deliberately withhold attention and affection sporadically throughout the relationship to maintain the victim's addiction to them.
One day they might belittle and derogate you, but at other times they may seek to include you in their grandiose view of themselves and your relationship. They can be demanding of your attention, putting your needs on the back burner while they insist on having theirs met ASAP.
Narcissists need control, which is often the reason why they ignore people. They do not like to feel vulnerable or exposed and will use their power to forgive someone for maintaining that control. Unfortunately, narcissists also lack empathy, so it can be challenging to understand how their behaviour affects others.
When a narcissist discards you it often means they feel a lack of control over you. Narcissists are control freaks. A narcissist must have his/her way and will do anything to have it. For a narcissist, all relationships are ultimately about controlling the other person.
People who are impressive in some way, either in their career, hobbies and talents, their friendship circles, or family. Someone who will make the narcissist feel good about themselves, through compliments or gestures. Anyone who will reflect well on them in the eyes of other people.
Not all narcissists cheat, but rates of infidelity are higher among them. Unlike conventional cheaters, narcissistic cheaters can feel greater self-entitlement, impulsivity, suffer from control issues, and experience a lack of empathy and remorse.
A narcissist will manipulate and control others to feel good, which is why they can be abusive in relationships. They can use aggression and be rude, offensive, and belittling towards their partners to wear down their self-worth. This can turn into a sadistic, abusive relationship.
Long-term relationships are boring to narcissists. They are drawn by the chase and may idealize the partners they can't have. They may appear to be charming, generous, and caring at first. But when they have you, they begin to get bored and to look for your faults.
Narcissistic personality disorder involves a pattern of self-centered, arrogant thinking and behavior, a lack of empathy and consideration for other people, and an excessive need for admiration. Others often describe people with NPD as cocky, manipulative, selfish, patronizing, and demanding.
“To what extent do you agree with this statement: 'I am a narcissist.'” Scientists believe that this question could be all researchers need to make a quick and easy diagnosis of narcissism.
What does it mean to stonewall someone? In simple terms, stonewalling is when someone completely shuts down in a conversation or is refusing to communicate with another person.
Withholding is a toxic, emotional abuse tactic. Withholding can show up in any type of relationship — you can have a withholding parent, sibling, child, friend, boss or spouse. Withholding manifests in different ways as many things can be withheld — money, affection, time, information, validation, support, praise…
People who gaslight may withhold in the relationship. This may involve a cycle of giving then withholding affection, sex, compliments, money, or even celebrating special occasions.