Respect Their Boundaries Children can set boundaries from the time they're small. Toxic parents walk all over a child's boundaries, not respecting when a child doesn't want to talk or needs to be alone.
Toxic mothers may express their anger in negative ways, like through name-calling and yelling. In extreme cases, toxic parents may become violent and abusive. Over time children may develop fear, anxiety, or even violent tendencies themselves in response to this toxicity.
Toxic moms may suffer from mental or psychological disorders that affect their ability to meet their children's needs. They may also have been victims of toxic parenting themselves, and are repeating the relationship patterns they grew up with.
A toxic parent is a parent whose negative behavior extends to how they treat their children. A toxic parent might demand their child's attention, constantly criticize their child's behavior, performance, and/or personality, and generally leaves their child feeling bad about themselves.
It's been shown to have long-term effects, like anxiety, low self-esteem, and increased aggression. It also makes children more susceptible to bullying since their understanding of healthy boundaries and self-respect are skewed.
The most common toxic behavior of parents is to criticize their child, express self-wishes, complain about the difficulties of raising a child, make unhealthy comparisons, and make hurtful statements1. What is this?
Emotionally absent or cold mothers can be unresponsive to their children's needs. They may act distracted and uninterested during interactions, or they could actively reject any attempts of the child to get close. They may continue acting this way with adult children.
Impacts on Adult Daughters
The damage from a toxic mother can also lead to lifelong struggles with self-image, communication with others, mental illness like depression and anxiety, addiction problems, eating disorders, relationship issues, and more.
Toxic parental-child relationships often arise because of mental health problems that the parent may have gone through, such as neglect or trauma, and never addressed before. Working through unhealthy relationship patterns may bring up traumatic memories for your mother.
Brown University's advice on keeping yourself safe in dysfunctional family relationships emphasizes the fact that a toxic parent is likely not to change; what can change is their child's level of engagement, boundary reinforcement, and resistance to old patterns.
Offer Warnings When Appropriate. Instead of yelling, give your child a warning when they don't listen. If you use a "when...then" phrase, it lets them know about the possible outcome once they follow through. Say something like, "When you pick up your toys, then you will be able to play with blocks after dinner."
Parental gaslighting is a subtle and covert form of emotional abuse. These parents manipulate to undermine the child's sense of reality and mental stability. Some well-meaning parents may gaslight their children in an attempt to protect them.
Toxic parents create a negative and toxic home environment. They use fear, guilt, and humiliation as tools to get what they want and ensure compliance from their children. They are often neglectful, emotionally unavailable, and abusive in some cases. They put their own needs before the needs of their children.
Codependent parents rely on their children to give to them, instead of giving to their children. This is known as parentification. By continually showing your child that you were a victim, you're relying on them to give you the emotional support you need.
Lack of trust
With an emotionally unreliable mother or one who is combative or hypercritical, the daughter learns that relationships are unstable and dangerous, and that trust is ephemeral and can't be relied on. Unloved daughters have trouble trusting in all relationships but especially friendship.
Middle School. A study of nearly 2,000 mothers conducted by Suniya Luthar and Lucia Ciciolla at Arizona State University found that middle school is actually the most difficult stage of parenting.
Mommy issues in women
Low self-esteem. Difficulty trusting others/commitment issues. Having very few female friends. Feeling like you must do everything perfectly.
“You never do anything right.” “I do everything for you, what else do you want from me.” “It's your fault your dad/mom left me!” “When I die, don't come to visit me in my grave.”
Ellen Perkins wrote: "Without doubt, the number one most psychologically damaging thing you can say to a child is 'I don't love you' or 'you were a mistake'.
Research. There is a bunch of research that is done on the effects of parenting and disciplining on kids of every age, but let me just save you the trouble, and let you know that NO. You are most likely not scarring your child for life when you yell at them or lose your cool every once in a while.