Some introverts hate small talk because they're shy and talking with people they don't know makes them feel uncomfortable. Others simply prefer to be alone and find social interactions mentally draining. Introverts also tend to enjoy deeper conversations more. 7 So, small talk might not stimulate them mentally.
It's a sort of social lubricant that helps us ease into conversations, form relational bonds, and maintain social boundaries. So it should come as no surprise that small talk is a core skill for health and social care workers.
Use the 20-second rule
Think of this small-talk rule as a set of traffic lights. Until the 20-second mark, you have a green light to talk. When you reach 20 seconds, the light changes to yellow and when you get to 40 seconds, the light is red and it's time to let the other person speak.
We're often disappointed by small talk because we simply aren't asking more involved questions. Many are very surface-level with little wiggle room to go deeper. So try asking questions that can lead somewhere more interesting and more in-depth.
This is a perfectly fine personality trait, and all that this means is that you like to spend time alone or in deep conversations. Introverts don't hate small talk for any negative reasons, they simply try to avoid it because they feel that it's a waste of their time.
One of the reasons many of us hate small talk is that the topics themselves feel meaningless. Try to approach small talk conversations as an opportunity to learn more about the person you're talking to, rather than trying to find something meaningful in the topic.
To make small talk easier, the idea is to get both parties smiling, laughing, or thinking beyond the simple, “So, how are you?”, or “What do you do?” questions. Spice things up with something interesting. Ask open-ended questions if you don't like to talk. Use these tips and your next small talk won't be so painful.
Some people hate small talk because they perceive it as a waste of time and as an impediment to a meaningful conversation; others may hate it simply because they are not good at it. How you feel about small talk depends to some extent on where you are from.
If someone is socially anxious, insecure, and afraid of rejection, they may believe they're not interested in people. If they're afraid of starting conversations they may feel people are so boring that they don't want to leave the house and talk to anyone at all.
“We hate small talk because we hate the barrier it creates between people.” Along with feeling meaningless, small talk saps an introvert's limited “people” energy. Imagine that introverts walk around with an invisible battery inside them that contains all their juice for social interaction.
Most People Don't Like Small Talk
Humans yearn for authenticity and connection. Social psychologist Dr. Nicholas Epley was curious about why small talk is a social norm, if it's not what people actually want.
Some people who we assume do not talk much, could be struggling to express themselves even if they want to talk. Sometimes, people don't know how to put it across and have the fear of being misinterpreted or misunderstood. So, they decide to keep quiet.
There are topics to avoid if you want to continue having a conversation with someone. Never ask people about finances (wage or salary), politics, religion, death, age and appearance.
Some people feel uncomfortable making small talk, but others thrive on it. "To 'talk well' in the social sense, to be adept at sending the correct social signals, is a different skill than 'talking well' in the communicative sense," explains Roberts at Vox. "And the two skills do not always go together.
Extroverts are slightly better at it than introverts, the reason being one which brings us into the realm of meaning-making through language. Most extroverts engage in small talk because they believe that it is the first step in breaking down barriers between others.
They prefer to think before responding.
Rather than spending time being engaged with the external world, we're often in our internal world — our heads. Hopefully, the more we ponder our response, the more thorough and genuine it will be. We would hate to respond impulsively, only to regret it later.
“The 5 Second Rule is simple. If you have an instinct to act on a goal, you must physically move within five seconds or your brain will kill it. The moment you feel an instinct or a desire to act on a goal or a commitment, use the Rule.”