There are many marriages where a 10 year age gap is achievable if there's enough love and understanding between the spouses. When they have their life goals, ambitions and perspectives aligned together, a 10-year gap may not be threatening. However, for normal couples, it can be a bit stretchy.
A relationship age gap bigger than 10 years often comes with its own set of issues. “While there are always exceptions to rules, a good rule to remember is that dating someone more than 10 years older will present challenges now or later that add to the preexisting challenges any relationship has,” he says.
According to the research, which surveyed over 3,000 recently married and divorced Americans, as little as a five-year age gap increases the likelihood of divorce by 18%. That number jumps to 39% for a 10-year age gap and a whopping 95% increase for couples with a 20-year age difference.
In Western countries, about 8% of male-female couples have an age gap of 10 years or more, rising to 25% in male-male unions and 15% of female-female relationships. And, in any case, experts note a perfect age difference does not exist.
Apparently, there is also a “Ten Year Itch!” According to a study at Brigham and Women's University, where over 2000 women were surveyed, the highest level of marital dissatisfaction occurs around the 10th year of marriage.
While there are countless divorce studies with conflicting statistics, the data points to two periods during a marriage when divorces are most common: years 1 – 2 and years 5 – 8. Of those two high-risk periods, there are two years in particular that stand out as the most common years for divorce — years 7 and 8.
A couple's sex life may ebb and flow over the years for any number of reasons: physical or mental health issues, having kids, side effects of certain medications, stress, relationship problems and sleep issues, among many others. Sex therapists say those dips are totally normal.
Many people assume that age-gap couples fare poorly when it comes to relationship outcomes. But some studies find the relationship satisfaction reported by age-gap couples is higher. These couples also seem to report greater trust and commitment and lower jealousy than similar-age couples.
In fact, a larger age gap is related to a higher divorce rate. When a couple has a one-year age difference, they have just a 3% likelihood of divorce. A five-year age gap means the couple is 18% more likely to divorce. That rises to 39% for a 10-year age difference.
It doesn't matter who is older or how much of an age difference exists in today's world as long as the love exchanged is genuine and the relationship is worthwhile.
Heterosexual couples with large age gaps had a faster decline in relationship satisfaction in their first 6 to 10 years of marriage than similarly aged couples. Couples with an age gap of 1 to 3 years (with the man older than the woman) were the most common and had the greatest levels of satisfaction.
Studies show that the 4-5 year age gap provides the most stable relationship. Gaps more than 8 to 10 years show higher disillusionment, quarrels and disturbed interpersonal relationships, leading to separation and divorce Bigger age gaps might have worked well for some, but cannot generalise.
Meeting someone you like and could see yourself with long-term is wonderful—but if there's an age gap between you two, it could give you some pause. Dating someone 10 years younger than you might sound like a stretch, but in reality, age gap relationships can last just as long as other relationships.
The Ideal Age Gap in Relationships
Couples with a zero to three-year age difference showed greater satisfaction than those with a four- to six-year gap. Likewise, couples with a four- to six-year gap showed greater satisfaction than those with a seven-plus year gap.
A person with such a sexual preference is a gerontophile or gerontosexual.
One in five couples are divorced after 10 years, and the likelihood of divorce shrinks with each decade, the research found. Just 2% of weddings end in divorce after 30 years, with divorce rates after 40 years even rarer - fewer than 0.5% of couples divorce after being married 40 years or more.
The increased divorce rate in Australia in 2021 has led to rising rates across all age categories. The percentage distribution between age groups was consistent with prior years. Men aged 40 to 44 and 45 to 49 had the most effective divorce rate, with 10.3 divorces per 1,000 men in both age categories.
But year 10, Meyer adds, is also when it first becomes prohibitively expensive and emotionally wrenching for couples to divorce, which may figure into this decreased risk. Studies suggest that 20 percent of marriages end within the first five years and that this number increased by 12 percent within 10 years.
Routine, responsibilities, unresolved conflict, and not spending quality time together are just a few reasons couples grow apart. “Long-term relationships require ongoing intentionality and commitment,” explains Elyssa Helfer, a licensed marriage and family therapist and certified sexologist in Los Angeles.
The falling share who break “the rule” reflects a society in which women and men are both becoming better educated and becoming more economically secure. This has led to people (especially women) getting married later.
"Half-your-age-plus-seven" rule
An often-asserted rule of thumb to determine whether an age difference is socially acceptable holds that a person should never date someone whose age is less than half their own plus seven years.
In fact, the chances of a first marriage lasting at least ten years were 68 percent for women and 70 percent for men, according to the National Survey of Family Growth. For the 20-year mark, the probability decreases to 52 percent for women and 56 percent for men.
Studies have shown that relationships generally end within 3 to 5 months from the day they begin.